I reaffirmed for myself in the following 3 hours that I can hardly stand driving into the city and that 495 is most definitely worse than traveling on 81!! We arrived safely there and Kali was asleep before too much time passed.
The three of us had a restless night upstairs. Kali began itching her hands incessantly. At one point I shined a light on her hands and noted that they were quite red, puffy and warm to the touch. We washed them off thinking maybe she was having some kind of allergic reaction to the scented hand sanitizer she had used. Good thought, but no...
It was one of those nights where I welcomed morning (just to have the night over with), but then discovered that Kali had a red rash over much of her body - creeping up her arms, on her feet and on her belly and back. She had no appetite to speak of, had a fever of 101.5 (which is actually low for her when she is sick) and was very sluggish. We managed to get some medicine in her to bring the fever down, assessed the situation, and called Grandma B for medical advice. SO THANKFUL for doctors in the family!!!! Kali perked up some with the help of Ibuprofen and we decided to take in the zoo and hope that she would be ready for the Green Festival by the next day.
She mostly rode in the jogger all day, but seemed to feel well enough to enjoy the many animals and the metro ride. And while at the zoo Grandma B called again to suggest that the likely culprit of these symptoms was Parvovirus. By the time we headed back to E's house for dinner, she was wilting and wilting fast. She sacked out on the couch minutes after we returned... Normally when Aunt E is anywhere closeby we can hardly hold a conversation with her because Kali is so eager to play, play, play! It felt strange to make dinner together in relative quiet and eat it without her chatter (which, as soon as it isn't there, I miss)Now for the really "fun" night. Imagine us sleeping in an upstairs room. We are used to one floor living, so while I might occasionally carry Kali to the bathroom in the middle of the night there are never stairs involved. And I don't know that I've ever done it many times in one night. The rash must have caused some internal irritation too, making her feel like she needed to pee every 1/2-1 hour (or more if she was awake). So Jason and I took turns carting her down and up the stairs. And in between were keeping a cool wash cloth on the itchy spots, which helped a lot if we could keep awake enough to change it when it warmed up.
Around 2am I took her down to the bathroom. She felt warmer so I really wanted to get medicine in her, but she hadn't eaten anything for a long time. So she was working on a few grapes and then we crushed up the orange flavored medicine and tried to disguise it in some homemade blackberry jam (which had worked before). We almost got through the first pill before it, and a few other stomach contacts, landed in my hands (which were thankfully just big enough to contain it all). I was feeling tired and flustered and also trying to be quiet to let E and her housemate sleep in peace! Got that all cleaned up and tried pill number two - this time in some ice cream I located in the freezer. Well, in the meantime, I bumped the bowl with the grapes off the ledge of the tub and broke the bowl, which almost sent Kali into hysterics. Needless to say, the second pill didn't stay down either and after 1/2 hour or so of snowballing almost comical events (if I wasn't so tired), we headed back to bed with no medicine or food in her belly. Once again glad to see daylight come around!
Jason and E took off for the Green Festival and Kali and I stayed back at the house. A day away from home with not much to do. I journaled, curled up with Kali on the porch and enjoyed the weather and a short nap, read a children's atlas to her and thought about the weekend's events.
I have a hard time managing my worry and anxiety when Kali is sick. Of course it doesn't take long for me to be reminded of our caretaking with Nora, including the long nights and the wondering what was around the next corner. Thankfully it seems that this is another relatively minor childhood virus that she will be immune to after this one bout. But I still struggle with the "what if's." So Sunday found me stewing somewhat about that, and then also thinking about how different the weekend was than what I had planned and dreamed up in my mind.
And that is when I was taken back again to one of the most striking lessons of Nora's life. It came to me again how so much of life's disappointments are caused by our built up expectations, making plans that we expect to then be implemented as we arranged for them to be, and dreams that somehow we come to believe should be actualized. I found myself lounging in a comfy chair with Kali in my arms feeling a cool autumn breeze for an hour or two with no interruptions, no demands on my time, no one expecting anything of me. Those moments were beautiful and precious (as were so many we had with Nora), as long as I wasn't thinking about how I was "supposed to be" at the Green Festival, since that was what we had planned months ago to do this weekend!! I keep learning!
Kali is still very sluggish and the rash comes and go (along with the itchiness) but seems to do the opposite of what I remember doing when I was sick. I thought that normally one feels more perky in the beginning of the day and then fades at night. Our little night owl was lounging around all day and now seems to be perking up as darkness sets in and bedtime approaches. Go figure! :)
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