The New Year

I subscribe to "The Daily Groove" and get short daily inspirational messages regarding enjoying parenting more fully (http://www.enjoyparenting.com/get-your-daily-groove). Today's started: "If you make only one resolution this New Year, let it be simply to LIVE LIFE MORE FULLY."

I think that encompasses it for me. The last number of days at home, I've carved out time (thanks to Kali's patience with me sitting and knitting with someone talking via the CD player in the background) to listen to the CD's I was given by Marshall Rosenberg on Nonviolent Communication. While I have been introduced briefly to this model of communication, listening to 5 hours of him sharing about this "language of life," with many stories that I could relate to was a very powerful experience, as well as humbling. In our family meeting last night we agreed to listen to them together in the evenings next week.

It's been interesting to already notice how the conversations I have with Kali and Jason shift when I try to apply some of what he suggests. Some of the most powerful tidbits for me so far include:

1. It is often hard for us to separate out observation and evaluation. Many of us are conditioned to always be judging or evaluating. While those can be important skills at times, we need to know how to also make observations that are free of judgment. While it sounds simple, it does not come easy for me and I can see how much many of my relationships would benefit from me becoming more at ease with that skill.

2. No one else is responsible for my feelings. And I am not responsible for anyone else's feelings. Kali cannot make me angry or frustrated or annoyed or elated. She can do things that trigger those emotions in me, but the same actions can trigger different emotions depending on what is going on inside of me at the time. Also, seems rather common sense, and yet in practice in life it is a powerful shift in language for me. Just to notice how many times I might say, "I feel ____, because you ____." I like so much that he gave examples of how we can shift our language to focusing on observing what is happening, identifying our feelings and our needs and then working at strategies for addressing the needs.

3. Identifying underlying needs is hard work!!! I'm putting many situations and relationships through my new "nonviolent communication lens" and find that I get stuck when I think about things that frustrate me and then try to keep asking, "what is the need behind that feeling? "

So this is what I hope to explore more in depth in 2010. It goes right alongside our continued journey into parenting in a way that respects Kali and us, and is in line with what we value most in life. So I think it all fits into living more fully. And for me that also includes being more present in every given moment of each day.

Today at lunch was one of those moments with Kali I am so glad I didn't miss. She made cornpone for us with her new kitchen stuff from Aunt B (including a red apron which she wears without any complaints, despite its color!). She was gobbling them up but then got thoughtful (and distracted) when they were gone and all that was left was soup that was fun to play with but not as inspiring for eating.

She mused, "There are three different meanings to the word bear/bare...the one when you really don't like something but you can bear it...then there is the animal...and then there is bare when you aren't wearing any clothes." That must have triggered another thought because the next moments she piped up that she had a joke for us. "What does a horse say to a kid who is running around without any clothes on?"

"Neigh...kid" I know this is an evaluation statement, but I think she is a pretty funny little girl! I could also state that her jokes fulfill a need in me for playfulness and I'm so glad she is in my life because of the way her approach to life enriches my own!!