So for those that don't know me well, the title of this blog post should be a warning to you: it is likely to be long. I don't tend to be all that concise with words anyway, and when I'm feeling emotional I can get very wordy. So to spare Jason, Kali and Alida from my excessive chattiness I'm going to put it out there in cyberspace for whoever wishes to take it in!! But for those that just want a quick Alida and Kali story (both of which have been alluded to on Facebook) here you are:
1. Kali made up a new joke this week: Why was the mommy snowman mad at her baby in Spring? Because he kept having meltdowns!
2. Last night on our way home from town at about 9pm, Alida was restless. I was on entertainment and "calm the baby" duty in the backseat and was trying my finger, her fingers, and the pacifier (what she really wanted was to be swaddled in bed). We had the kids tape on in the car and a little silly song about it not being any trouble just to l-a-u-g-h was on and was not calming her. I told Jason to turn it off and I started to sing the lullaby Jason wrote for her. I promise I had not gotten out the whole first line, "breath deep now my baby girl," before she turned her head into the side of her carseat, stopped rooching and promptly fell asleep. I could hardly keep singing I was so shocked.
We were all similarly shocked with the events of today. Here's a brief synopsis:
After weeks of worry (me more than Jason or Kali, or Alida for that matter), today was "trial #1" for me heading into the office. We gave up trying the bottle consistently a few weeks back as it was mostly stressful to try to time it at a good time for all of our schedules and Alida had been pretty resistant to the attempts we had made. I left Jason with 8 ounces of expressed milk (even though I dreamed last night she took 24 - though I also dreamed that there were two bears in our house) and drove down the driveway in tears. To say I did not want to leave would be a serious understatement.
What made it even more difficult was it seemed that Alida was also on a bit of a "nursing strike." She had started not nursing as well while we were in Maryland but I just thought it was a change of schedule or scenery or that there were just too many exciting things going on. It seems that it is a bit more than that - the most likely culprit is teething. So she really hadn't nursed much all night or in the morning until right before I left, with more coaxing than I would like.
So I was a bit of a "basketcase" at work (as my Dad would likely call me). I had promised not to call and we left it that Jason would call with really good news or if they were in dire need of me heading home but if I didn't hear anything that things were going "ok." I left around 9:30am and got a call a little before 12:30pm - during those 3 hours I was able to get started on "catch up" in the office and felt like I had a big exam the next day (by the constant butterflies in my tummy).
The news: it was going well. Alida had not been fussy at all. She had enjoyed hanging out and even took a really good nap in Jason's arms, transitioning to the front pack. She had not taken anything from the bottle - wasn't interested on his one attempt. He would give it another try before I headed home.
As I was heading home I had to make a few stops and on one of them (likely the groundhog pickup...) he called and left this message: "she took her bottle." He promised the details when I got home. By the time I got home, she had taken a second bottle. So she downed 4 of the 8 ounces that I left for her with hardly a fuss. All were happy when I got home and Alida kind of looked at me like, "back so soon?" I, of course, immediately took her out of her airplane bouncer where she was quite content and smothered her with hugs and kisses, which she accepted nonchalantly.
So then the flood of relief hit, the exhaustion from all the worry, and my new fears - here is the emotional exhale part. Jason got to hear all my mommy insecurities several times - what if she doesn't need me now? what if she is happier when I'm working? what if she doesn't love me? Oh, the difficulty that comes with letting our self esteem rise and fall with the developmental stages and phases of a baby!
We took a little snooze together this afternoon and she has now carted around with me while I picked garden produce and got ready for the evening fun. And that is where we are at. I started this while she was napping but she is now chattering on my lap and I imagine getting hungry, but we'll see if she thinks eating is a good solution to that or not. No time now to expound more, so this won't be quite the epistle it may have been earlier in the afternoon!
If you have made it this far you get to get in on a few more interesting tidbits:
1. Alida has been dry the last two mornings and has gone potty for me both mornings. Big girl!
2. Our supper menu - a fresh roasted chicken with carrots and potatoes, fresh cucumber dill salad, corn on the cob and kale chips. Mouth watering??
3. Evening agenda includes canning dill pickles and possibly dilly beans (Jason will help Kali and I IF he gets done butchering the groundhog in time).
Until next time...
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