This is one of the hardest posts to write. After days of waiting, hoping, crying, and fearing it is over. I find myself once again grateful that suffering has ended, but so so sad that what that means is that Curious Hiddley's time with our family has come to an end and that what we are left with is good memories and many pictures.
It seems that losing this little bunny is triggering all sorts of emotions and stirring up grief that is pretty easily stirred up. Curious Hiddley's entrance into our family was such a wonderful thing and comforting and life giving. It felt at the time that he was at the SPCA at the right time and place, that day we arrived back from UVA without Nora.
The last two days as I've walked what feels like the long distance from house to hutch to check on him, my stomach has churned and I've felt the same physical sensations (just less intensity) that I felt those mornings waking up and making the trek back to UVA to see how Nora's night in the NICU had been. Those feelings of just not knowing what you will find - hopeful news or your worst fears realized.
This won't be an easy morning to leave home, knowing that Jason will need to share this news with Kali alone. I am so grateful that she said goodbye to him last night, that we got to tell him that we were grateful for the time he spent with our family, and that we were sorry he was not feeling well. Kali was glad for us to take a lot of pictures she wanted to have of him, even if he couldn't jump on his feeder or touch her finger without assistance. She is sad that he won't be around for her birthday and was uncertain whether she would be able to enjoy it as much without him. She also was not sure she wants to have another bunny. Me neither. He would be hard to replace!
Ps. Okay, so I couldn't go to work without telling her. I delayed my start time and we woke her to share the news with her. I'm glad I was there. I'm glad tears could flow freely for Kali. I'm glad we could share together our sadness. There will be a little family funeral this evening. But I was happy to see a smile coming through the tears when her little sister came out all bright eyed and ready for her day.
Oh, Curious H! He was a fine fellow, and a gentle spirit. I very much enjoyed knowing him.
ReplyDelete