Living and dying...

Today I walked around our yard for a bit after getting all the laundry in off the lines. Just a week away from home and many changes around the yard - most notably the daffodils. Each spring, they are such a welcome sight. The bright yellow is so cheery and seems to shout the change of the seasons and that new life will be springing forth all around us. I walked down to Nora's garden and enjoyed the various colors and sizes of daffodils blooming. We've thought about Nora often over the last number of weeks as her life and death are our best frame of reference for being closely connected to living with a loved one that is dying and then journeying with that loved one as they let go of life as we know it best.

As we left for our week away we knew that P was declining rapidly and wondered if we would still find him living in the in-law quarters when we returned. I feared that we would not, but did not know how best to say goodbye. Alida and I visited the evening before we left and I treasure the moments of watching Alida and P's hands touching and then hearing him note that our visit was "just great."

On Tuesday, we went to the Virginia Air & Space Center. While I marveled at much of what we have "accomplished" as human beings, I was also distraught by the celebration of what we have "accomplished" in the way of war machines (they had bumper stickers in the gift shop that read, "I love warbirds."). Alida and Kali were playing in a little airplane in a toddler area when I noticed that I had missed a call from P's daughter. I sat there looking up at the military plane that most disturbed me as I listened to the message, learning that P had died early that morning with his family surrounding him, loving him, cheering him on.

As I shed tears in that space, for his family and for him, I felt like I was also feeling the weight of so much loss. I thought about all that we have experienced (beauty and pain) in our journey with Nora and in the aftermath of her death. I thought about P's family and their grief journey as it continues. And then I looked up at the various military aircraft suspended above me and thought about their ability to alter the lives of so many (taking life and leaving others to grieve the loss of loved ones). I feel so saddened and perplexed that with all the creativity and intelligence that was reflected in the various exhibits we saw in various places on our trip, that we have found no better way to date, as a species, to resolve conflicts than what was represented there. I know there are many wonderful things happening around the globe and I am grateful to be part of one of those pockets of people using all their creative powers for a more peaceful resolution of conflict, but it was hard to focus on that in those moments as I sat with grief weighing heavy.

We returned home last evening and the place didn't seem the same knowing that P was no longer physically present. We were able to attend a memorial service today with many others joined together to grieve his death and celebrate a life well lived. I realized that in 3 months we only brushed the surface in getting to know the extraordinary person P was. I'm grateful for the moments we did share. While experiencing much sadness over his death, I also sat near Mom who today celebrated 9 years since she underwent a stem cell transplant for non-Hodgkins lymphoma. It was such a mixture of feelings - sadness, gratefulness, wonder at the complexities presented to us as we work and play at living and dying well.