Pilgrimage to Charlottesville

 It is probably a bit too early for me to think that my thoughts and feelings about our 24 hour trip to Charlottesville would be very coherent (complicated also by entertaining Alida and monitoring her with a scissors while I type), but for me processing tends to go best when I get some initial thoughts out when they are still somewhat raw.  Jason may be processing the trip yet internally for awhile (I'm secretly hoping that there may be a poem formulating out the whole experience but one can't plan for that - I just find I benefit so much when I get a glimpse of his process through writing).

For the short version - it was a VERY good trip, once we got on our way!  As can often be the case, I think my internal array of emotions about the trip (I was looking forward to it but also wondering what it would all feel like) probably only fed into the girls' morning blues yesterday as we tried to pack up and get on the road by late morning.  I was happy that Alida woke at 6:45 a.m. (unheard of for her) because she needed to nap on the way to the UVA women's bball game or it would have been a LONG afternoon/evening.  She did, which was great.  But she was up about 1.5 hours before she really wanted to be and it showed...

But by the time we arrived in Charlottesville the challenges of the morning had faded somewhat.  Alida watched big eyed through much of the basketball game and Kali was also transfixed (but aware enough of her surroundings to keep plummeting her hand into the large vat of popcorn purchased for the girls by Grandpa).  The home team won and it was an exciting game, but in all honesty we were there to cheer for one of the referees!

After being ushered back to say hello to Aunt S following the game, we headed to the home of the director of palliative care at UVA and the doctor who was on call when Nora was airlifted to UVA the week before her death.  We have stayed in touch with Dr. Crain ever since Nora's death and have bounced ideas off each other for some joint parent/caregiver writing projects but they haven't come to fruition yet.  Jason and I are inspired anew to bump it up on our priority list, but this particular evening together was centered around just enjoying being with her and her family (as well as in-laws), which we did.  Their children are 6 and 9 and about two hours into the evening Kali was playing with AND talking to them - they were soon shrieking and playing Huckle Buckle Beanstalk, hide and seek and some game about scrambled eggs. Kali's enjoyment of being there made for a much more pleasant evening for us as well. 

It was close to 8:45 p.m. when we got back to B & D's home where we were staying for the night. They had so graciously hosted us at different times during Nora's life - it truly was our home away from home.  It was so very good to be there and with them - in a very sweet, sad and meaningful kind of way. Both Jason and I commented that it was much more like a pilgrimage back than we had anticipated. The last time we pulled into their driveway was when we came back to the house to tell Kali that Nora had died and the last time we had pulled out was with all our things leaving Chalottesville without Nora.  I guess we both somewhat underestimated the emotional impact of returning, but we welcomed the emotions.

It is such a different kind of remembering when one's senses are fully engaged: the smell of their home, the taste of brown sugar and maple mini-wheats, and the light coming in the bedroom in the morning (those moments when it would hit me where I was and wondering how Nora's night had been) to name a few.  Walking into the bathroom in the middle of the night I almost found myself expecting to see my breast pump sitting there for me to pump as I had done many times.  And then pushing Alida on the very swing that I pushed Kali back and forth on as those initial strong emotions about Nora's death poured out.  We were very glad to be there and grateful to benefit once again from their general hospitality poured out on our family.  And glad that Nora was the reason for our paths crossing. 

We left this morning and enjoyed a stop at Edible Landscaping on our way home - we managed to get out of there without spending more than $100 but it was tough! Kali and Jason were at home just long enough for us to get the car unloaded and Jason to get the trailer reloaded for a marathon-errand run that Kali joined him on.  He is donating platelets now as his last stop before they rejoin Alida and me at home - so I better get a fire going.  Alida and I have enjoyed a nice long run/walk and then a little soccer playing.  While we meandered around the yard, we found these!  Our little trio of yellow flowers and some of the first purple and orange crocuses!