Terah Cybil Elizabeth Myers...she's here!

I imagine this account of Terah’s birth will be written in snippets of time over the next while. Currently she is sacked out in the new native baby carrier for the first time and in the background are the sounds of Kali and Alida enjoying a playdate with their good friends, Isaiah and Miranda.  Alida is a little strung out from the changes of the last few days, so my ability to focus on this will likely be limited by that factor.  It’s hard for me to believe that it was just yesterday morning that Terah was born. It takes it happening again in our family for me to remember how a new little one completely turns our world upside down – in amazing, wild, wonderful, exhausting ways!

The week leading up to Terah’s birth was full of ups and downs and swirling emotions for me.  I was having increased lower backache and some more tightening in my uterus but no consistent or timeable contractions. I had a few days of feeling low energy and generally blah – adding to my worry about my ability to birth our baby. I had a little bloody show here and there, but again nothing that seemed to speak of imminent labor.  I was having regular midwife appointments and at the last check was 3-4 cm dilated and 80-90% effaced with the baby low and engaged in my pelvis.

Regarding my emotions, they were all over the place.  I had been mourning for a while the end of the pregnancy, knowing that this is intended to be our last child.  I’ve loved pregnancy and was sad to think of not experiencing it anymore.  I had at least one stint of tears streaming down my face as I looked at my huge belly, knowing I would miss it even if I’d be so happy to have our baby in my arms.  As the due date approached, I was also having to work harder and harder to not take other people’s excitement and eager anticipation as pressure to have our baby.  There was the added dynamic of having a home birth where I knew my midwife’s schedule and when would be good and not so good times to go into labor.  So while I very much wanted to let our baby choose her arrival time, I was hoping she might choose a convenient time for all those planning to join us for the birth.

Friday, the day before my due date, Marla (the second midwife joining us for the birth) checked me and noted some changes from Leslie’s (my primary midwife) check earlier that week.   She also tried to reassure me and encourage me to not feel stressed about the baby’s timing.  The next day, my due date, Leslie came and again noted some progress but still no signs of imminent labor.  Both midwives stripped my membranes and massaged my cervix with borage oil.

At dinner that evening I had a few contractions in close enough proximity that I noticed them and decided that I better start looking for a pattern.  We went up to Mom and Dad’s place to play a few games and while there I timed a few contractions that were 7-9 or so minutes apart and lasting about 45 seconds. Hmmm!  This was definitely a change.  So I decided to check in with our midwife.

Around 9:30 p.m. Leslie and Marla got on the road to Keezletown. I also called our good friend and midwife, Ann, who was hoping to be present at the birth and my sister-in-law, Emily, who was planning to attend and be Kali’s point support person.  My greatest fear at this juncture, since I was experiencing relatively little discomfort with the contractions, was that it would just stop at some point and they would all have to go home.  But, while they were all in route, the girls, Mom and I got busy making Terah’s birth-day cake (apple cranberry to mark our recent time gathering wild of both in WV) and Jason got the last of the birth supplies together.

Between 11-11:45 p.m. everyone descended and our laboring birth team was complete!  I decided it was also time to send the emails out to family and the blessingway women that labor was underway (no need to email neighbors to not drop by since we do not normally get spontaneous visits at night…). Alida was sacked out upstairs with my dad and Mom, Leslie, Marla, Ann, Emily, Kali, Jason and I were in our quarters drinking tea, chatting and playing games.  Kali attempted to go to bed with the promise that we would wake her near the birth time but after about 20 or so minutes of trying she came out admitting that there was no way she was going to fall asleep.   So she joined our Boggle game! We had played Sequence together before her failed attempt at going to bed.

It felt like party!  Such a positive atmosphere to begin this exhilarating journey of birthing our last child.  Every once in a while one midwife or another would ask if I was still contracting. I guess I wasn’t giving enough visual signs of being in labor.  But beside my word sheet I was keeping track and they were coming 3-6 or so minutes apart.  I was kind of feeling like I needed to cook up something more intense, but also recognized this as my pattern from previous births (contractions getting pretty close together with relatively low intensity until much closer to the end). 

After the game playing, Jason played the Kate Wolf song Give Yourself to Love that had become my birthing song and where all my mantras for the week had been coming from. He had played it daily such that as I woke every hour or two that last week, I would have a line of the song in my head.

Kind friends all gathered 'round, there's something I would say:
What brings us together here has blessed us all today.
Love has made a circle that holds us all inside;
Where strangers are as family, and loneliness can't hide.

You must give yourself to love if love is what you're after;
Open up your heart to the tears and laughter,
And give yourself to love, give yourself to love.

I've walked these mountains in the rain and learned to love the wind;
I've been up before the sunrise to watch the day begin.
And I always knew I'd find you, though I never did know how;
But like sunshine on a cloudy day, you stand before me now.

Give yourself to love if love is what you're after;
Open up your heart to the tears and laughter,
And give yourself to love, give yourself to love.

Love is born in fire; and planted like a seed.
Love can't give you everything, but it can give you what you need.
Love comes when you're ready, love comes when you're afraid;
It will be your greatest teacher and the best friend you have made.

So give yourself to if love is what you're after;
Open up your heart to the tears and laughter,
And give yourself to love, give yourself to love.

After a while Ann suggested I might want to try side-lying in bed and offered a foot rub to go along with it. If anyone knows me well, I can be convinced to do a fair amount if pampering of any kind is included in the deal.  So laying on my side in bed (to encourage the baby to get well aligned) was hardly a problem with a massage being part of the mix! It wasn’t long before I had a whole group of wonderful women surrounding me (AND Jason!), massaging my feet, hands, head, back.  When I felt a smaller hand scratching my back, I knew that Kali had joined in on the pampering and it touched me more than any of the more experienced massage hands at work.  It was so special to have her as part of such an amazing gathering.

I was needing to pee pretty often and was having a lot more bloody show.  Contractions were getting a little more noticeable but still not needing any kind of special breathing or positions to get through them easily.  I had really wanted some time in labor with Jason and I and was feeling like that time was upon us. I really wanted to go for a walk down the lane in the starlight so we left the lights and friends and headed out.  I was experiencing one of my least favorite labor symptoms, which was some uncontrolled shaking.  For those of us who like to be in control, the shakes are not much fun!  But the night was cool and the sky was gorgeous. As I squatted for the first of a half dozen or so contractions that I had on our short stroll, I looked at the sky and felt so very small (but not insignificant).

By the time we returned, contractions were a bit closer together and increasing in intensity.  I decided I wanted to labor in the living room for a while.  Kali got our first fire of the season started in the wood stove and we all gathered around.  It wasn’t too long before the midwives were moving the whole birthing operation from our bedroom to living room.  Despite agonizing a bit over the past few weeks as to where I’d actually want to have the baby, I didn’t end up wanting to go with either previously thought out spot (I didn’t feel like getting in the shower at all and the bedroom seemed cramped and cold).  The living room was spacious and the firelight inviting and so we just stayed put!

By this time, Jason and I were “dancing” (swaying in an embrace seemed to help the sensations keep from overwhelming me) through most contractions.  It’s hard to describe contractions, but I like that some call them waves or surges.  Up to the point where I was feeling very “pushy” during contractions, I would not have used “painful” to describe them at all.  They were intense but didn’t really hurt, just overwhelmed me with their powerful strength.  But swaying and draping on Jason felt great, and we continued with that until Ann suggested I might try side lying again, this time on the futon, which had by then been nicely prepared with a plastic dropcloth covered in a sheet. 

Other than checking on the baby’s heartbeat, which was “happy sounding” throughout, I hadn’t been checked since the first midwife arrived. At that time I was about 5cm.  But now I was feeling a lot of urge to push with contractions and they encouraged me to go with the feelings.   Leslie offered to check me and I kind of wanted to know where things were at so asked her to go ahead. I was pretty well fully dilated. It was a nice confirmation of what they already assumed by just looking at me and listening to me during contractions.  It was interesting to have them gauge my progress by looking at me; they didn’t feel they needed any other kind of proof that I was ready to push. That felt different from my hospital births where my progress was tracked by checking my dilation.  This felt like a more seamless transition from one stage of the labor to the next, but also makes it such that I don’t really know the answer to the question, “how long did you push?”

Over the course of the last several hours of the birthing process, I slowly lost one article of clothing and then another.  Not surprisingly, the last piece came off sometime in there as the pushing got more intense and I felt like I was working up a sweat!  They helped me know how to hold my legs in the side lying position to make the pushing as productive as possible. I didn’t feel much control with the pushing and so suggested trying hands and knees.  I only lasted in that position for a couple contractions but it was in that position that my water burst.  Knowing that the side lying position is one of the best for protecting the perineum, I moved back to that position since one of my goals for this birth was to not tear!

My very “best friend” during the final stage of pushing was the warm compresses (old cloth diapers soaked in comfrey tea waiting in a crock pot) that they put on between contractions.  I was in awe of how such a simple offering could provide such wonderful relief.  Leslie was also using olive oil to help with the stretching.  I honestly don’t know what else she did but at the very end she did coach me as to when to slow up and allow the baby’s head to ease out so my body could stretch slowly.  It worked!  Not a single tear and very little trauma to the whole area.  What a relief!!

Another difference between this birth and my others was that my contractions, even at the end, had long breaks in between. It was almost a bit disconcerting since I could fully relax in those in between spaces and almost forgot I was in the final stages of having a baby.  They were long enough for me to feel like I could fall asleep and towards the very end I had to get my courage up in those spaces to face the next stint of pushing.  As the night wore on, I also knew I wanted to have this baby while it was still dark out and really didn’t know how close I was until Leslie noted that the baby would be out in a few more pushes.  I got to feel her head as she was crowning and I took their cues that with just a few more pushes I could get her out.  A few more intense, and yes painful, pushes and I was able to reach down and welcome her into my arms.

She made sure we knew she was breathing by offering the first of many lusty cries before her body was entirely out!  She was pretty sniffly for a while and was not thrilled with the stuffiness of her nostrils, so in between intently looking around she expressed her discontent.  Leslie tried to help by clearing her nose with a bulb syringe, for which she did not express appreciation. 

Once the cord stopped pulsing it was clamped and Kali cut it!  That gal didn’t miss anything – she had a front row seat for the entire birth and took it all in.  It also happened that Alida woke to go potty around 4:30 and wanted Grandma to help her. So Dad had brought her to the stairwell and called for Mom.  In that moment it felt good and right for Alida to come in so she joined us on Mom’s lap and ended up staying for the birth.  So both big sisters were present when their little sister entered the world. 

We just soaked her up and kissed her and I awkwardly tried to comfort her while still laying in the bed and feeling rather limited in my mobility.  She started to act interested in the breast but didn’t latch on right away; just kind of played around licking and rooting at it.  Sometime in there, I gave one more tiny push and the placenta, which was pretty much right at the opening, easily slipped out.  The midwives were very impressed with how the cord came right into the center of the placenta and with the unique and dramatic veins on the placenta.  So we had an impressive looking baby and placenta!  I didn’t care so much about the latter, except that it clearly had done a good job in nurturing our little one!

I transitioned to recliner and then not too long after that gave Jason a chance for a little skin to skin while I got a much needed shower and got some clothes on again.  I settled into the recliner, where I have spent a lot of time since, and Terah got down to business, quickly becoming a nursing pro.  Others scurried around cleaning up, starting laundry, playing games with our elder daughters, getting a bite to eat and who knows what else was going on. I was pretty taken by the little package in my arms and overwhelmed by the sacredness and beauty of the night.  Daylight had arrived, a new day, our fourth daughter’s birth-day!

So she is now just about 36 hours old.  And I have felt compelled to try to get some of my thoughts about the birth documented because, as Jason noted earlier today (paraphrasing Winston Churchill’s dry remark about the Balkan region), we are currently “producing more history than we can consume.”  I can’t keep up with it all – both the actual happenings (which are relatively simple in many ways but so new and fresh in other ways) and the emotions attached to it.  In between little naps or visits or meals, Jason and I find ourselves marveling at the whole experience and also wishing so very much that every family welcoming a new baby could experience the kind of loving and competent care that we received as we welcomed Terah into our family. 

Oh, I should note that it wasn’t until yesterday afternoon that we pow-wowed as a family and decided for 100% sure that Spark would transition to being Terah Cybil Elizabeth Myers.  As soon as we reminded Alida that we had been thinking we would name Spark “Terah,” she said, “but you didn’t tear.”  Another good laugh for the Myers-Benner family!  The name seems to be fitting her just fine and, as I expected it would, it is growing on me in leaps and bounds as we use it with her and others use it in reference to her. While she isn’t growing physically much yet, she sure is growing into her name.

Speaking of growth she was 7lb 9oz at birth and 7lb 4oz today.  That must have something to do with the fact that in the first 24 or so hours of life she had 3 huge meconium poopy diapers and about 6 wet ones.  She has not only been nursing avidly but actually sucking and swallowing (so clearly getting something).  My milk hasn’t come in fully yet but I’m starting to feel a bit of tingling when she nurses which is probably a pre-cursor to the intense letdowns I normally experience.  I think she will be glad for the milk when it arrives and her weight will likely catapult in the other direction soon!

(there have been a number of breaks in the above writing but the recent break was a longer one and involved Terah’s first jaunt down the driveway – I forgot it was a national holiday and so Alida and I went to check the mail – and I also got my very last jar of “pregnancy tea” steeping – I will not miss collecting nettles, mint, alfalfa and raspberry leaf for a quart of tea daily)

The 36 hours since Terah’s birth have been full of many things, except rest!  We are enjoying the “congrats” flooding in from our facebook post from all over the world and Terah has also enjoyed some of her first visitors (including her Benner grandparents, her aunt Anna, uncle Mark and cousin Marcie, who made a whirlwind trip yesterday from PA).  While family was here, we planted the placenta under the last two corkscrew (a.k.a. curly) willows we had ready for Terah’s garden and also enjoyed singing “happy birth day” to her and partaking of her cranberry-apple cake.

I’m trying to savor every moment of these early days. I was even trying to find a way to savor the many wakeful hours while others slept last night.  Probably middle of the night is my hardest time to keep a positive perspective on things when I’m exhausted and awake (alone).  I do fine during the day when others are up and about and a distraction from the tiredness.  She was fussier last night too (not for long amounts of time just little spurts that woke me and took my attention to readjust or comfort her). I have to remind myself that that was our first night and it will take time to learn Terah’s cues and for her to adjust to all the newness in her environment (she has, after all, experienced the most shocking adjustment of all!).  She has done amazingly well – today she decided to sleep 5 hours straight during the day (could she repeat that tonight please?).  She liked the new native baby carrier, which I tried after seeing how much she liked when Leslie weighed her by hanging her in a sling.  Despite my mom’s encouragement, I didn’t do great at sleeping most of that 5 hours (I kept thinking she would wake any minute and really wanted to get some of the thoughts around her birth down before they fade from memory).

I have no way of knowing what the coming hours/days will bring, but right now I think I’m still riding on the amazing night of Terah’s birth.  It was nothing short of a dream come true – not only the ability to birth our baby at home but also that she is so strong, healthy, and curious about the world around her.  She so clearly knows the sound of her big sister’s voices and they seem to be enjoying her added presence in our home. As are we!

p.s. As of this posting, there is plenty of milk to be had!  The soreness has moved upward to my full breasts!  And we had a slightly better more restful night, possibly because she was getting more to eat all night long! I'll end here with a little video of sisters bonding: