Ok, I'm back! Terah is now asleep in the pack, Alida is heading outside to blow bubbles, and Kali is off to help her Daddy chop wood. The sun is streaming into the front room so I'm letting the fire go out for the day. When I first felt inclined towards writing this morning, pictured here is what Terah was doing. She took a nap all by herself on our love seat while I got dishes done and started downloading pictures. It wasn't too long until she roused and Alida entertained her for a good number of minutes until her diaper and belly started talking to her and in turn she started expressing a desire for some assistance. Most of her naps to date have happened in the front pack or in my arms. While I treasure the closeness, it will be nice in other ways for her to expand her napping options. Though this and many other changes seem to point to her growing up so so fast! I've put a way a whole size of cloth diapers, most of the 0-3 month clothing, and she will soon outgrow her little blue seat and be ready for the doorway jumper and circle seat. We had to adjust the carseat before heading to church Sunday. And she road in the jogger for part of a recent walk like a big girl! There are wonderful and fun things about some of the growing up stuff - she smiles, coos and laughs many times a day. She is sleeping longer blocks at night. She is more entertainable and therefore a bit more patient if her needs/wants can't be met immediately. On the other hand, while soaking up the stage she is in currently, I can't help but already miss the little tiny baby that was only little and tiny for a very short time.
Right at this exact moment I'd be happy for a baby that stayed asleep in the pack a bit longer. She just roused and left out what we'd call a "truck driver belch." We'll see if her fist chomping can put her back to sleep or not. If not, this might be another short post without much deeper reflection. And it appears that Alida's bubble blowing session has also come to an end. This is more or less a typical day for me - I set out to do something and more than half the time I don't get much done before a string of interruptions. It often makes me inclined to not even attempt any big projects. Also, it seems the best time for Jason and I to think and reflect is in the middle of the night when all the kiddos are sleeping - but that is when we should also be clocking in as much rest as we can. Yesterday afternoon I hit a bit of a wall when I had a few projects underway and a few others on my mind that needed to get done and Terah had sacked out on my chest and I was eager to rid myself of the low grade headache I had acquired. I find it so hard to be constantly calculating how I wish to use the available moments in front of me. Jason shared a current mantra of his on Christmas Even that he got from some reading he was doing recently. I think I want to try it out as well: "Time is a bringer of gifts" So often I feel like I don't have enough time or time is running out or I'm behind or time is going by too fast.
Our times together over this past week have had a lot of gifts in them. We had a very lovely Christmas at home, and are still looking forward to more celebrations this coming weekend when the Benner family arrives in Keezletown for a few days of fun family times. We had blocked out most of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to just be together as a family, along with my folks. During the afternoon on Christmas Eve we did our Adopt a Highway trash pick up all together. My emotions followed the very typical pattern - at the beginning I enjoy being outside and walking and I feel good about beautifying our roadside a bit. By the end I find myself feeling really annoyed at anyone who feels ok about flinging a bottle out their car door and somewhat depressed by trash in general and the fact that we are mostly just moving the stuff around (out of our site and to the landfill or at best made into more stuff that most of us probably don't need). I noted this time that maybe they figured that a 2 mile stretch of road is about as far as anyone can go and keep up a good attitude while removing all the litter. I am glad we do it and it was highly entertaining to do it with the girls, just wish it was unnecessary.
The evening of Christmas Eve was the highlight of my holiday season to date. I remember fondly a tradition from growing up where we each got to pick an activity that we all did together and where in our house that activity took place. I remember my sister B leading us all in gymnastics one year and I remember eating Christmas cookies in our downstairs bedroom and opening my cabbage patch dolls there. So as we were anticipating the holiday at home, I hatched the idea of giving it a try and the idea was very appealing to the girls. They got so excited about choosing their half hour and I think the evening measured up to everyone's expectations.
After a delicious soup dinner upstairs, Alida kicked off the evening with an art lesson. She told each of us what to draw and offered a few pointers along the way, but mostly chattered nonstop for the half hour. Kali went next and had us play "pin the carrot nose on the snowman." I was, once again, inspired and tickled by her creativity and enthusiasm. We all got some good laughs during that half hour. Mom had printed off Christmas themed coloring sheets so next we got to do some more coloring, this time with homemade dark chocolates to sweeten the time! Alida was relieved that someone (me) had chosen decorating cookies for their half hour - Jason made two batches of popcorn for seed testing, we got hot drinks going and I brought out the gingerbread cookies we have made earlier that day with our home grown ginger and various options for decorating them. Jason shared a few excerpts from a Wendell Berry book he is reading and then we had Alida open a Christmas present. We all enjoyed learning how to play the new cooperative game she got where you try to work together to not let animals go extinct. And finally Dad read us a Christmas story and then we all took a quiet moonlit walk down the lane. Alida didn't make it to the bottom of the driveway before sacking out in the jogger (too much Christmas fun and she was tuckered out), which made the walk considerably quieter for the rest of us. After a good number of rainy cloudy days, it was beautiful to see the stars in the sky and to admire the ring of light around the moon. A wonderful culmination to a very fun evening. Terah did great too and seemed to enjoy the evening even if she isn't quite ready to color with us or decorate cookies. It won't be long!
The girls were super excited about Christmas day too - Alida was probably most excited about presents and about being a zebra. I don't know how or why she hatched the idea but she didn't forget about it. And it was even plenty warm enough for her outfit. At one point I was feeling a little concerned about Alida's obsession with presents. By the end of Christmas morning, my worries had vanished and were replaced with admiration and amusement. Alida had had a lot of fun putting things in our stockings. The silly items included a pair of gloves from our regular supply that she put in Kali's stocking and a brown scarf Kali had knitted for herself landed in my stocking. But then in my stocking there were three adorable little coupons from Alida - one for cuddle time, one for a family walk and one for a hair playing session. Those are keepers! The present that I felt most uncomfortable receiving was the package she had wrapped with $10 one dollar bills for me. She apparently told Jason she had a lot and didn't need it all. I have such a hard time taking money from my children. It's set aside with the coupons to use for some fun activity together sometime.
Jason and I (other than unlimited milk!) didn't get anything for Terah's first Christmas, but the girls and Grandma and Grandpa made sure she had some things in her stocking. She was more interested in all the goings on than I thought she might be, and seemed pleased with her new little Cordoroy board books and the already loved stuff animals. I think for all of us Terah is definitely the best present of this year's Christmas celebrations! It's fun to celebrate the holiday with a baby who is waking up to the world around her and finding it endlessly entertaining (unless, that is, she is tired, hungry or wet)...
Kali opened her new cooperative game Christmas morning and we enjoyed playing Starwords together (note: it is very intentional that we purchased cooperative rather than competitive games this Christmas, especially with our middle daughter in mind!) The rest of the day was spent eating lots of delicious food from our land and enjoying more game playing together than we normally can fit into a given day. Of course there was lots of baby cuddling and adoring fit into all the available cracks of the day. Here's a few other pictures of some holiday highlights:
Harvesting our Christmas tree after our return from West Virgina
Wearing "gives peas a change" - the only outfit I remember buying for Kali before her birth!
Cutting out gingerbread cookies!
Baby sweetness!
She's trying to take it all in.
One of many delicious meals shared together!
Well, it is now lunchtime and Alida is more than a little eager for me to read her a story (or if I don't intervene soon she will be opening a bunch of new paints without assistance). Maybe it is for the best that I don't share too many additional musings. Jason and I did get to go for one walk together during this holiday season and that was enough for me to know that many of my swirling thoughts and emotions are not easily articulated. In short, I feel like I'm waffling these days between feeling like what Jason and I are trying to do on this piece of land and with our one wild, precious life together is chock full of meaning and incredibly important. I can't imagine being engaged in anything more fulfilling and it feels relevant, purposeful, and like a valuable contribution to the world. Then, unfortunately pretty often these days and likely exacerbated by me going for walks in a tank top in December, I wonder if any of it will matter. I know that in a flash all that we have worked so hard for could be gone. I feel deeply unsettled about the future, for us and for our children and for the planet in general. I waffle too between the unsettled feelings spurring me on to greater and deeper engagement in the world around me and feeling as if all our efforts are in vain. What it brings me back to many times is the whole notion once again of mindfulness and being present in each given moment. And that I want the various projects and activities we are involved in to be fulfilling in and of themselves, even if in the long run they don't make a lot of difference. So I fully intend to continue to throw myself fully into our homesteading efforts and while I'd like to think it's some kind of calling, I also do it for the sheer love of it!
Ok, I'm back! Terah is now asleep in the pack, Alida is heading outside to blow bubbles, and Kali is off to help her Daddy chop wood. The sun is streaming into the front room so I'm letting the fire go out for the day. When I first felt inclined towards writing this morning, pictured here is what Terah was doing. She took a nap all by herself on our love seat while I got dishes done and started downloading pictures. It wasn't too long until she roused and Alida entertained her for a good number of minutes until her diaper and belly started talking to her and in turn she started expressing a desire for some assistance. Most of her naps to date have happened in the front pack or in my arms. While I treasure the closeness, it will be nice in other ways for her to expand her napping options. Though this and many other changes seem to point to her growing up so so fast! I've put a way a whole size of cloth diapers, most of the 0-3 month clothing, and she will soon outgrow her little blue seat and be ready for the doorway jumper and circle seat. We had to adjust the carseat before heading to church Sunday. And she road in the jogger for part of a recent walk like a big girl! There are wonderful and fun things about some of the growing up stuff - she smiles, coos and laughs many times a day. She is sleeping longer blocks at night. She is more entertainable and therefore a bit more patient if her needs/wants can't be met immediately. On the other hand, while soaking up the stage she is in currently, I can't help but already miss the little tiny baby that was only little and tiny for a very short time. 
Right at this exact moment I'd be happy for a baby that stayed asleep in the pack a bit longer. She just roused and left out what we'd call a "truck driver belch." We'll see if her fist chomping can put her back to sleep or not. If not, this might be another short post without much deeper reflection. And it appears that Alida's bubble blowing session has also come to an end. This is more or less a typical day for me - I set out to do something and more than half the time I don't get much done before a string of interruptions. It often makes me inclined to not even attempt any big projects. Also, it seems the best time for Jason and I to think and reflect is in the middle of the night when all the kiddos are sleeping - but that is when we should also be clocking in as much rest as we can. Yesterday afternoon I hit a bit of a wall when I had a few projects underway and a few others on my mind that needed to get done and Terah had sacked out on my chest and I was eager to rid myself of the low grade headache I had acquired. I find it so hard to be constantly calculating how I wish to use the available moments in front of me. Jason shared a current mantra of his on Christmas Even that he got from some reading he was doing recently. I think I want to try it out as well: "Time is a bringer of gifts" So often I feel like I don't have enough time or time is running out or I'm behind or time is going by too fast. 
Our times together over this past week have had a lot of gifts in them. We had a very lovely Christmas at home, and are still looking forward to more celebrations this coming weekend when the Benner family arrives in Keezletown for a few days of fun family times. We had blocked out most of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to just be together as a family, along with my folks. During the afternoon on Christmas Eve we did our Adopt a Highway trash pick up all together. My emotions followed the very typical pattern - at the beginning I enjoy being outside and walking and I feel good about beautifying our roadside a bit. By the end I find myself feeling really annoyed at anyone who feels ok about flinging a bottle out their car door and somewhat depressed by trash in general and the fact that we are mostly just moving the stuff around (out of our site and to the landfill or at best made into more stuff that most of us probably don't need). I noted this time that maybe they figured that a 2 mile stretch of road is about as far as anyone can go and keep up a good attitude while removing all the litter. I am glad we do it and it was highly entertaining to do it with the girls, just wish it was unnecessary.
After a delicious soup dinner upstairs, Alida kicked off the evening with an art lesson. She told each of us what to draw and offered a few pointers along the way, but mostly chattered nonstop for the half hour. Kali went next and had us play "pin the carrot nose on the snowman." I was, once again, inspired and tickled by her creativity and enthusiasm. We all got some good laughs during that half hour. Mom had printed off Christmas themed coloring sheets so next we got to do some more coloring, this time with homemade dark chocolates to sweeten the time! Alida was relieved that someone (me) had chosen decorating cookies for their half hour - Jason made two batches of popcorn for seed testing, we got hot drinks going and I brought out the gingerbread cookies we have made earlier that day with our home grown ginger and various options for decorating them. Jason shared a few excerpts from a Wendell Berry book he is reading and then we had Alida open a Christmas present. We all enjoyed learning how to play the new cooperative game she got where you try to work together to not let animals go extinct. And finally Dad read us a Christmas story and then we all took a quiet moonlit walk down the lane. Alida didn't make it to the bottom of the driveway before sacking out in the jogger (too much Christmas fun and she was tuckered out), which made the walk considerably quieter for the rest of us. After a good number of rainy cloudy days, it was beautiful to see the stars in the sky and to admire the ring of light around the moon. A wonderful culmination to a very fun evening. Terah did great too and seemed to enjoy the evening even if she isn't quite ready to color with us or decorate cookies. It won't be long!
The girls were super excited about Christmas day too - Alida was probably most excited about presents and about being a zebra. I don't know how or why she hatched the idea but she didn't forget about it. And it was even plenty warm enough for her outfit. At one point I was feeling a little concerned about Alida's obsession with presents. By the end of Christmas morning, my worries had vanished and were replaced with admiration and amusement. Alida had had a lot of fun putting things in our stockings. The silly items included a pair of gloves from our regular supply that she put in Kali's stocking and a brown scarf Kali had knitted for herself landed in my stocking. But then in my stocking there were three adorable little coupons from Alida - one for cuddle time, one for a family walk and one for a hair playing session. Those are keepers! The present that I felt most uncomfortable receiving was the package she had wrapped with $10 one dollar bills for me. She apparently told Jason she had a lot and didn't need it all. I have such a hard time taking money from my children. It's set aside with the coupons to use for some fun activity together sometime.
Jason and I (other than unlimited milk!) didn't get anything for Terah's first Christmas, but the girls and Grandma and Grandpa made sure she had some things in her stocking. She was more interested in all the goings on than I thought she might be, and seemed pleased with her new little Cordoroy board books and the already loved stuff animals. I think for all of us Terah is definitely the best present of this year's Christmas celebrations! It's fun to celebrate the holiday with a baby who is waking up to the world around her and finding it endlessly entertaining (unless, that is, she is tired, hungry or wet)...
Kali opened her new cooperative game Christmas morning and we enjoyed playing Starwords together (note: it is very intentional that we purchased cooperative rather than competitive games this Christmas, especially with our middle daughter in mind!) The rest of the day was spent eating lots of delicious food from our land and enjoying more game playing together than we normally can fit into a given day. Of course there was lots of baby cuddling and adoring fit into all the available cracks of the day. Here's a few other pictures of some holiday highlights:
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