Alida had a really hard time deciding last evening whether she wanted to see Goldie Bean before Jason buried her. I wanted to give her as much time as she needed but darkness was coming, and Terah's need for my complete attention was also about to set in. In the end she wanted to if we could all go down together. As we approached the coop she asked if Goldie Bean would be alive. It was interesting how the concept of Goldie Bean being dead forever was having trouble sinking in. For that reason, I think the process of her looking at her pet hen, petting her, and helping Jason bury her was probably helpful. There was no mistaking that she was not alive. I'm not going to mince words here: it was not easy to look at her and see clearly where the snake had tried to swallow her head first (unsuccessfully).
I felt, once again, amazed by my daughters. I was thinking a lot last evening about when Kali's pet bunny died, and the two of us reminisced about that: http://myers-benner.blogspot.com/2011/08/grief-learning-from-my-daughteragain.html. I am grateful that, as much as I hate it and want to protect my daughters from experiencing devastating loss, I get to be present to learn from them when they do. Alida chose a few of Goldie Bean's beautiful feathers and Jason clipped off her leg band for another memento. We took the pictures she wanted and a few tears were shed, but overall she seemed to be feeling ok. It's nice that we are having a great hatch inside so there is lots of new life to be enjoying while we feel the sadness of losing Goldie Bean. The reality is that Alida was not yet to the age where she had assumed daily care of her hen and in all honesty Kali had probably spent more time with her than Alida - though she was often encouraging Alida to join her. So in some ways it feels like the loss was more the idea of losing a pet forever and also the loss of the dream of watching her mothering baby chicks (as well as just the feelings associated with thinking of her actual death - ok, so maybe that is where I'm getting hung up in this whole thing!).Let me end on a brighter note by sharing some big news from Terah! After thinking she might bypass crawling due to the thrill of pulling to standing and trying to walk, she decided to debut her new skills at Shalom this morning. We hadn't been to church for quite awhile and, even though we arrived right at her morning nap time, she was pretty interested in all the people, the music and the carpeted floor. We weren't there long before she set off for a toy. She had made one or two movements forward in the last few days but nothing that made me feel confident to write "crawling" and the date in her baby book. No doubt it is ready to be added now. She's got some heavy little legs to lug around but here she is doing it! And I should note that she then nursed heartily and fell asleep easily for a short nap during the second half of the service - had to check out and let her brain integrate all that new information and skill acquisition! We'll see how life changes around here in the coming days...
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