The best birthday present!

As my birthday was drawing near I was trying to do one of two things - either plan a few fun things into the day to help it to stand out and/or try to forget about it. Turning 38 kind of pales in comparison to 40, which Jason was doing the day after my birthday. I mostly was attempting to keep expectations for a "special" day low, though I did plan lunch with a colleague and two walks with friends, so those things were to be sprinkled throughout a normal day at the office.

I checked my phone first thing yesterday morning and saw my sister-in-law Emily's "happy birthday" greeting. It took a moment to register that right above that was another text saying "Water broke at 12:18..." That was the first of several adrenaline rushes! I talked with Emily on the phone soon after that and she noted that I could wait until they got to the hospital and checked in and then they would give me the update. Well, I was really not useful at home - as my mind and heart were already with Emily and Jonas. So I cleared my work and personal schedule for the day, pumped and nursed Terah, packed my things for however long I would need to be gone, had Jason shuttle me over to their home to pick up their extra car so Jason wasn't stranded at home, and soon said my goodbyes and took off for the hospital. Before leaving Jason gave me part two of my birthday present - two books on being a doula/support person. How appropriate, though I was going to have to do some serious cramming (which I did while Emily caught one short snooze spooning with Jonas in early labor)!

It's hard already to remember all the specifics of the day and the times when various things happened. I felt fully present there, and many times during the day choked up as I tried to take it all in. As I have reflected back on the birth, I've been reminded of something Jason wrote in the days after accompanying me through birthing Nora. I couldn't say it any better: "For me, the labor and delivery were an awe-inspiring experience. To be so closely involved in such a monumental process with someone who did it so well was truly beautiful, and a memory I will always cherish, no matter what comes our way. "

The morning was spent walking, walking and walking (after the long process of getting checked in and answering many potentially useful, but most likely not, questions). Emily found her groove and that seemed to be roaming the halls, with Jonas and I on either side of her providing various types of massage and light touch to keep her mind on the pleasant sensations and let her body do the job it was clearly setting out to do!

I was amazed by her presence to the process, her control of her mind in welcoming the contractions and the pressure and her ability to coach me on what was most helpful. My first birthday present was a book of birth stories (yes, I'm a complete "birth junkie") that I've been staying up too late reading, and one of the stories I had read right before was really helpful on reminding me about the importance of just offering my presence. I think I so often want to say or do things that are particularly useful/helpful. At one point early on Emily (in her gracious way) said something about how sometimes silence is better than saying the right words. That not only shifted my tactic (from talking to welcoming silence and allowing Emily to guide the verbal messages - which she did beautifully) but was a really helpful reminder of mostly holding space and being present. I do think she appreciated what I was doing, however! It was a "pamper fest" day for Emily, who appreciates touch like no one else I know. She had 9 hours or so of that from two people that love her and that she loves! I was so very grateful to be one of them!!

Around noon the midwife checked Emily for the first time. At that point it was quite clear that Emily could stop trying to strategize about what was the best approach for her to take. Clearly she should just keep on the path she was on - 7cm dilated and 100% effaced. She was doing so amazing!

More walking filled our afternoon! Contractions were coming closer together so I was having to remind myself to grab a drink every now and then or stuff a morsel of something in my mouth. I'll admit that I didn't want to miss any of it. I did have to sneak to the corner twice in the day to pump (and used that time to absorb all the facebook "happy birthday" messages - chuckling at some of my birthday greetings like "hope you get to do something fun and relaxing today.").

The next check showed that she was 9 cm and by that time our walking the halls had come to an end. Emily had relaxed in the tub for awhile and now was trying various positions as the intensity, frequency and duration of contractions increased. My favorite, though, was our little train! I was a slow dancer/bouncer in labor. Emily wanted to walk. And so walk with did - all the while making sure we were massaging, stroking, or touching her. It seemed that what worked the best for awhile was Jonas walking in front with Emily draping on him and me bringing up the rear doing a hard low back massage. I found myself wanting to emit a little "choo choo" every now and then as we went round and round the room in circles. Our little train of three was getting somewhere and the engine and the caboose were not doing the bulk of the work!

Emily tried the birthing ball, hands and knees on the bed and ended up in the side lying position for the actual birth. Watching a new little person emerge is like no other experience - it kind of defies words for me. Soon after Ivy Ann was born, I asked the midwife if she ever tires of this. She affirmed that she does not, but her body sometimes does. I can imagine, as this birth was smooth, beautiful and within the daylight hours of the day. Not all are!

In the hour or so after the birth I stepped out to talk with a group of nursing students about the birth, my support role, things Emily and we did to help her meet her goal of an unmedicated birth, and answer any questions they had. The one student said, "I could likely keep you here all night with question," to which I replied, "and I could talk about birth all night!" 

I agree very much with the "Joyful Birth" book that I'm reading that a joyful birth is not defined by being a hospital birth or a home birth, by being medicated or not, by being a vaginal delivery or cesarean. It's so much more about the attitudes of all involved in the experience and in being present to that and open to it as it unfolds. It's about creating a space in which a woman feels safe and comfortable to birth in. I feel very much that Ivy's birth was a joyful birth, and that she was welcomed into arms of two people that are going to be amazing parents. I am so glad that in this instance the journey is just beginning and, while I won't likely do a full day of massage for Emily very often, I sure hope to be a supportive and loving presence in their lives (and can't wait to get to know Ivy!).

ps. It is worth noting that this is only the second birth I've ever attended, other than the births of our four daughters, and the other birth was 6 years ago (also on my birthday)! I should add that that is NOT a criteria for me to assist in a birth - just in case anyone is wondering! I really hope that once my own babies are a tad older some more official doula training is in my future!