Saturday, August 5, 2017

Oh this life...

I come to the end of today feeling very, very full! I'm physically full - since we just wrapped up a late dinner of nettle garlic cornmeal buttermilk biscuits with summer zucchini and corn gravy and hardboiled eggs, along with roasted green beans and garlic and purple sauerkraut to the side. A pretty typical tasty Tangly Woods summer menu. But my feelings of fullness are much deeper than my full tummy - it's a feeling that I won't likely do justice to with words in the time that our three gals are content in their dance party in the front room, so I'll do what I can and like in so many things of late I will then need to leave it be and say "good enough!"

So this week was my last of working exclusively from home before the real rush and crunch time of another fall semester start - August is here in all its fullness! One might think it would be a week to take it more easy before things really get rolling. It didn't quite pan out that way. We had already scheduled to take a meal to friends who welcomed a new baby recently and to take a meal to friends who were moving soon and we wanted to help do some packing. It just so happened that a corn gleaning opportunity came about for those exact two days. We have one bag of corn in the freezer from last year. We love freezing corn. We did not turn down the opportunity!

Jason and Kali headed out early Tuesday morning and came back with over 6 sacks of corn. We got busy and spread the work and fun over two days - and the chickens and pigs also enjoyed the process immensely. We were able to freeze what we are likely to use in the coming year, as well as freezing some for our neighbor friends who are diligently and so wonderfully caring for our dear friend in the final stages of prostate cancer. I thought of them and hummed All Will Be Well as I worked. I remembered how much it meant to me when Nora was with us for friends to ask if they could freeze some strawberries for us. It was such a touching gesture and one that continued to remind me of their care and thoughtfulness all winter, every time I pulled a container of berries from my freezer. I hope the corn provides those same reminders for them!
The second day we froze corn I also thought about our friends who were moving. We froze corn together for a few years and I picked up tips from their process that I still use. It was fun to quickly scrub our sticky corn floor (with my very enthusiastic helper) and then load up a trunk full of food and head their way. We ate, chatted and packed boxes. Many memories have been created together at their home and ours, and it felt like the end of a particular era. Our friendship started when Kali was in utero and we shared the joy of welcoming our first babies. The picture I have of the dads with the babies is in a photo album, but here's an updated one!

Friday we had just enough time (kind of) to catch our breath before today - Kali did a planned "schedule day" to see if she could keep herself on a schedule. She did, mostly. Alida had her planned cooking day and we worked together to make homemade basil pesto and homemade lambsquarter pasta for dinner, along with green beans and corn on the cob. It was delicious and she was rather impressed with herself. I was proud of her too, especially sticking with cutting up all the green beans even when it felt hard to her. She wasn't the only one doing hard work. When Kali got off schedule it was due to her "duck selection process" taking her several hours rather than the allotted one. It was not difficult physically but my what an emotional challenge - she engaged with Jason in the decision-making process and showed a deep reservoir of strength and courage, then and especially today!
Jason butchered a record number of birds today - a friend brought 13 to do with Jason (and brought along a plucker that saved some time) and another friend came for a few hours for a refresher butchering course. I think Jason's final count was 30 chickens and then 5 of Kali's ducks. He's in the shower now and I can only imagine how good it must be feeling. It was a long day but went well and when we shared our high's and low's from the day at dinner he said the low was each life that he took and the high was watching Kali do the hard work of processing the experience and being present to the emotions - the good and hard ones! Up until today, Kali had not decided if she wanted to be part of the butchering but she told me this morning she wanted to be. She wanted to be the one to get them and she carried each one to Jason, selecting a feather from each and clearly processing it on a deep level. She helped some with plucking and remained out there until it was over, at her own choosing. She gave me a long hug and expressed relief when it was over but I also sensed a feeling of being glad she had made the decision to be part of it. I felt proud of her! I feel like she is more thoughtful and mature, not to mention intelligent, than I was at her age. I would have run from the emotions (ok, so I more or less did when I rashly decided to be a vegetarian, I think in part to make me feel innocent).
It is not easy to articulate how I feel about this (as one child keeps coming my way saying "need mama" only to have her older sisters try to engage her in play again so I can finish), but I want to be clear that I feel a lot of respect for anyone trying to engage how to feed themselves in a way that is in tune with the values they hold deeply. I also feel within myself the desire to somehow not feel responsible for taking life to sustain my own. Yet over time it has felt more and more like a cop out for me to say that I am uncomfortable with choosing when an animal looses its life and goes into our freezer and so I don't want to participate in it. That is what would be "easier" in some ways. And yet it feels like it lets me off the hook. It doesn't get old or easier but I'm going to keep challenging myself to feel the discomfort, to reflect on how I can live in a way that causes the least suffering, that respects life, and that honors the lives that are given for my own sustenance. For me that's a much harder, but in the end more fulfilling, path. Does not make butchering days exactly "good" days, but ones where I feel in some ways most deeply what we are trying to be about here.

While Jason was outside butchering, I was doing a second dairy workshop for 6 women this time, and they came with 10 kids who played tag, hung around the workshop, added to the chaos, and all came flocking when it neared snack time. The youngest participant was just shy of three weeks old, and was my biggest distraction (such sweetness)!  It was just as fun as the first! I learn so much each time. And I definitely today had the rammy child on my hip to really show that these products can be made with multiple distractions. Terah didn't really calm totally down until she got the chance to hold the baby. My goodness our rambunctious mischievous child LOVES babies and little things! She just looked at her, stroked her head and put her back to sleep. Yep, it was precious.
 
Ok, my time is up. I'll end with a few pictures that didn't get included elsewhere but I don't want to leave out! Just to note that the other day I realized that I had yet to have cheerios with blueberries and milk this year. I am not positive it will be our last fresh blueberries, but it seems likely at this point. So I snuck a few of the girls' cheerios and enjoyed a small bowl. It's not even my favorite food but there is hardly a food that takes me back more easily to my Grandma and Grandpa Myers' breakfast table! And, finally, this little gal's sprouts on the top are too much. :) 

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