First things first...the puppies and hog butchering

Some things are monumental enough that they probably deserve their own blog post, but not sure there will be time for that this morning...so we'll give it it's own paragraph at the very start of this post.  I believe last night was the first night in Terah's 2+ years of life that she didn't nurse from the time I laid her in bed until just now, minutes before the alarm was going off for me anyway. Now that is something I could get used to!! She has been steadily sleeping better for awhile now, but this would be huge if it became a more regular occurrence. The uptick in my sleep, I believe, has had a direct correlation to the positive feelings in our relationship for me, along with the fact that her exploding vocabulary and cute blossoming personality make me so very happy that I get to be one of the people in her inner circle to take part in this stage of her life. It's a really fun one for all of us, and I have been failing miserably at documenting the adorable "Terah stories" that are a part of each and every one of our days!

Here's just one story from this week, that has a good ending but was tender and started very sadly for Terah. It was post-supper time in our home and all of us were doing our own thing - supper dishes, playing, paperwork, etc... Terah was having some time with her baby doll and had migrated with her doll to the bathroom. All was quiet, which at this point normally means all is well and that she has gotten very focused on some activity. All of us a sudden very distressed crying commenced. I don't like to say I don't always respond to her cries but they vary in nature quite a bit and this one called for action. I went immediately to the bathroom to see what tragedy had occurred and it was immediately apparent. There Terah sat in the middle of the bathroom floor clutching her baby doll with one hand and one of its arms with her other.

I will admit to stifling a giggle while immediately moving in to provide comfort. She said something about how she had just been holding the baby, as if she was trying to assure me she had not meant to dismember her baby doll. I comforted her and by this time Jason had joined us and quickly did surgery on baby and got the arm back in its plastic socket. All was well in short order as I dried her tears and we headed back out to the front room where more of the family action was taking place. It was so very sweet how clearly she meant to take good care of her baby and how distressed she was to think that she had mistakenly hurt it. I imagine she will be much more gentle with the arms in her future play times!

Speaking of play times and Terah, this past week we intended to get her some play time with puppies. This would also be enough fodder for a long blog post but I won't go into her the depth of our family's woes with dogs. In short let me just say that it seems like at every turn we struggle to stockpile good experiences for our younger gals with dogs. In, what I felt like was a valiant attempt, we scheduled what would be a paid visit to a place about half hour from us that breeds golden retrievers. Since Terah loves all things baby, it seemed like maybe some time with baby dogs would help inspire warmer feelings towards that particular animal in general. It was a full family outing and one that was going to take a fairly large chunk out of an otherwise full work day on the home front for Jason (and for me, in whatever I get done with the girls in tow).

We arrived almost half hour early due to an appointment beforehand going more quickly than expected. So I didn't panic when we couldn't find a human initially. We had no problem finding dogs - they were everywhere and loudly announcing our arrival. Puppies in kennels alone, mamas in kennels alone, puppies and mamas together, lots of male dogs in kennels side by side, very new puppies in laundry baskets with warming blankets. Cute (the babies), loud (the male dogs), and all pretty interested in us. We caused quite the ruckus as we walked around the place, which Terah did not enjoy. She wanted to go home (or to go see their turkeys). They had all sorts of fowl roaming around - chickens, guineas, turkeys, swan, ducks, peacocks... So we looked around, played with the puppies through the wire and waited.

Our appointment time came and went, I called and left a message (on the phone that rang right beside us in the office), we went up to the barn and looked around, finally went to the house and rang the door bell...all with no success. Finally after being there close to an hour and a full half hour after our appointment time we gave up and headed home. Sigh! We weren't home 5 minutes before the owner called apologizing profusely (he had done the night shift and his kennel manager had stood us up - sadly it sounded like this was not the first time but it probably would be the last). So thus went our outing. Will we try it again sometime? Not sure. While the puppies were adorable, the whole thing kind of made me and Jason sad too. And I'm not even sure Alida and Terah would have gone in with them, and the set up made it seem like we were also very likely to get pretty messy (and potentially smelly) if we were to walk around in the kennels much at all. So we'll see...

It is clear that growing vegetables, fruits and chickens suits us a bit better. Any my how lovely the spinach looks right now, as well as the chickens. See for yourself!

 

Oh, and pigs too! Yes, Tangly Woods is a great place for raising pigs. We love having them around and they seem rather found of their home here too. This past weekend was the scheduled butchering weekend for our three hogs. As it approached, there were some feelings of excitement, some feelings of eagerness for the process, and many other swirling emotions. It's not that I had gotten more attached to these three individuals than last year's, but once again I was wrestling more with the power associated with the act of killing animals we have cared for. And it was hard for me to figure out how to feel at peace with this sense of betraying their trust at the end - that somehow they associated us with good things and caring for them and then we choose to end their lives. I was reflecting on how it surprised me that the thought of going to a slaughter house might be easier emotionally. Why is it that I would have an easier time seeing animals who had been mistreated their whole life be killed? I'm not sure it actually would be, but I think my feelings are impacted by my level of association with and responsibility for the animals. If I feel removed from both of those things, then the emotions lessen. We were part of every day of these animals' lives and provided them a great life. The intention was always to eat them, and I still feel good about that in many ways. But being part of the killing is very, very hard for me. And I think I'm ok with it being that way. It feels important to me to live with that discomfort if I am going to eat animals.

Reading Wendell Berry's For the Hog Killing a few times on butchering day helped with my process:

1. Let them stand still for the bullet, and stare the shooter in the
2. eye,
3. let them die while the sound of the shot is in the air, let them die
4. as they fall,
5. let the jugular blood spring hot to the knife, let its freshet be full,
6. let this day begin again the change of hogs into people, not the
7. other way around,
8. for today we celebrate again our lives’ wedding with the world,
9. for by our hunger, by this provisioning, we renew the bond.

He says it (like he always does) much better than I could! I felt so grateful that all three killings went very smoothly, quickly and I believe mercifully. I am grateful they were done by people with respect for these beautiful creatures and that the whole butchering process felt laced with ritual, enjoyment and reverence... It was a positive process, accentuated by our first significant snow fall of the year! So day 1 for me included mostly observing some and then sledding a bit with the girls, as they were all rather excited about the white stuff floating down from the sky. They are their Grandma Myers' granddaughters in more ways than one!

Day 2 we pretty much spent up the hill all together for the day, Terah and me just coming down the hill long enough for her to get a nap and me to put a few hours of CJP work in. Those walks down the hill to grab my computer and do office work felt like I was leaving one world and entering another. I will leave my reflections for how that passage felt to me for another time. Let's just say the differences were stark!

The process of cutting up the meat, rendering lard, making ponhoss, grinding sausage, and then salting and curing bacons and ham is all very fascinating. Our girls were right in there taking part - especially the ponhoss sampling! They couldn't get enough of it - and are quite happy that there are many loaves of it in the freezer for the coming weeks. This year we made it with our own home grown and ground bronze flint corn and the flavor is amazing.

There is much more than could be said. For me it is a wonderful community event. I love working together with neighbors and friends on this large project. The exhaustion at the end is intense, and I was not nearly as involved as Jason. I am still nursing a stiff neck from working with Terah on my back in the cold, but that is subsiding slowly. For now I'm out of time and have put off this post long enough, hoping for a window of time to reflect more on those aforementioned swirling emotions. But I'm afraid it will never happen if I wait for that. Maybe we'll get Jason in here at some point for a "guest blog post..." For now, if I don't get ready for work I'll have to go in my pj's. So here's a few more pictures of day two, ending with our expert vacuum sealer. She was VERY proud of her expertise, including being able to make it work when her daddy couldn't at one point!