Little Reminders

In the Spring of 2008, Mom and Dad gave me a beautiful orchid for my office. I was taking Nora to work with me and some days I wondered how long I could keep going. That flower that bloomed for weeks while I neglected it for lack of time or energy to think about another thing needing my attention, offered a constant reminder of their love, care and support of our family. Now, two years later (is it really possible it has been that long?), the orchid is blooming again for the first time. And their love, care and support has been unwavering since the moment they gave it to me!

On Sunday, our faith community held their first "All Souls Service," a meaningful gathering and time of remembering. We were invited to bring a memento of the person(s) we were remembering. I wanted the orchid to be one of the things I brought along. Little did I realize how much that choice would remind me of Nora throughout the day. I left home around 8:15am alone (hiking down the driveway with a box and several bags needed for the days activities) and we didn't arrive home as a family until after 9pm that night. All day I carried this fragile, delicate, beautiful flower around with me. I worried about it some. I savored its beauty and sign of life and love.

The day prior to that I had one major agenda item on my day: taxes. And I felt grateful to be done them by the end of the day. What a relief!! I dislike it every year, despite it being the quickest "earning of money" that we do all year. The refund was greatly diminished this year with the change in our "family status." As I started the Turbo Tax program it asked me to answer a number of questions. I said "yes" to the fact that we had some changes in our family to report and on the next tab the first thing noted was "congratulations if you have had a new baby." That was not the change I was dreading reporting.

I soon found myself in a page that listed our two "dependents." I can't quite articulate how hard it was to "delete" Nora's name. I sat there wondering, as ridiculous as it might seem, if there was any way around this seemingly cold action of removing her from our "reported family." There wasn't. I breathed deeply and lived through yet another marker of the passage of time. I know deep in my core that what I report on those forms is not what makes up our family or what defines me. Still, it was hard!

Last evening we traveled over the mountain to UVA for a women's basketball game, being refereed by our sister-in-law. Prior to the game, Jason, Kali and I enjoyed dinner with Nora's geneticist (which was shorter than we had hoped for since we were waiting inside for 1/2 hour while he was waiting outside the restaurant for 1/2 hour - we admitted to just assuming he was running late and that it was just a reminder of waiting in the waiting room for appointments). The time was short but sweet - characterized, like our many other interactions, with a deep care for us and our family and a bond that was clearly formed by sharing an intense time in our life's journey with us.

It was a bit of a transition from a quiet restaurant talking about genetic disorders in children to the excitement and hype of a basketball game! Kali had no trouble making the transition, and was just sad that we didn't make it earlier (she had not wanted to miss ANY of the game, so it was a sad moment when we were leaving the restaurant and there was the UVA game on the TV and there was her aunt - the game had started...).

I had an odd train of thought as we sat in the stadium. I felt silly for having changed out of my orange shirt/scarf prior to coming to the game since there was a sea of orange all around me. The thought crossed my mind that there was a lot of "Nora's color" here and then it dawned on me for the first time, or in a new way, that the color Kali deemed as Nora's favorite also happened to be one of the colors of the university where Nora was cared for so often, so competently and with such kindness.