Well.
Obviously there has been a lot of preparation going on these past months of which I, Jason, was oblivious! Janelle certainly outdid herself this time, which took some doing.
Apparently last June she had started thinking about a 20th anniversary gathering for this spring, originally thinking it would be combined with a Martin House reunion gathering that our dedicated readers (BOTH of them) will remember having happened in March. The events got split out from each other when it became apparent some Martin Housers wouldn't be able to travel here in May. This means Janelle's spring 2019 planning docket contained: said reunion, CJP graduation (academics and ceremony), the surprise concert I'll soon describe, a decoy event earlier in the week, and a blood drive and a house concert coming up in June. And these are just the events for which she's had primary responsibility. She is pretty worn down, but she should be laid out flat! Not her, not yet.
Over the months I had gotten wind of two things, and two things only (I'd had other clues but totally missed them). First, at Thanksgiving last year I had stumbled across a lyric sheet for the Keith Whitley/Allison Krauss classic song, "When You Say Nothing At All," where it was tucked in Janelle's datebook. Later Janelle couldn't disguise her need to hide some of her activities, so she confessed that something was happening that required me never looking at her computer without permission. About a week before it was to happen, Janelle informed me that I was scheduled for a "date" out with her somewhere, for something, and it was insinuated that this was the big thing she'd been planning for (False! Decoy Event!). She blindfolded me and drove me to and across Harrisonburg. I was a willing participant and allowed myself to not keep track of turns, so by the time we'd gotten to Gray Jay Provisions (an excellent local gourmet soup and sandwich shop owned and run by friends of ours), I thought that might be where we were, but I was certainly not sure. I had suspected that could be where we ended up since Janelle had said I would need my appetite and there are few other area restaurants able to serve multi-course meals from which bellyfuls of food would feel celebratory to us, and I remembered our interest in partaking in one of their "Pop-up" dinners. I was thrown off just a bit, however, by the feel of the car entering the parking lot, since I'm used to approaching the rear of the building to pick up kitchen trimmings for the pigs. When the door opened, though, and the clean and spicy aromas hit my nose, I knew where we were, and this time for the GOOD STUFF! 
I was not prepared, however, for the sight of a gaggle of our closest friends (not all of them, but an excellent representation) smiling from their conversation clumps, drinks and hors d'ouvre (featuring Janelle's splendid cheddar made from fine pasture-produced Jersey milk from friends and neighbors John and Corinne Welsh of Belvoir Dairy) in hand. Prepared or not, that's the friendly sight that greeted me at the removal of the bandanna blindfold. With Janelle and I now joined to the group, we all made short work of the appetizer course and the fantastic drinks mixed in the moment by our dear friends from Red Root and Co. Then we took seats and turned our attention to three musician friends who were sidling up to Janelle--with guitars and voices tuned to celebration--where she stood waiting. That she wanted to sing "When You Say Nothing At All" to me in public did not surprise me, given the earlier clue. That they had clearly prepared for this moment substantially together and sounded GREAT was a pleasant treat indeed to discover! Once the little show was over, we settled in for the soup course: a warmly flavored, creamy-textured butternut/potato bisque with pesto dressing drizzle. As good as it sounds. Accompanying the soup was a round of introductions amongst the 29 of us, with the idea of giving everyone a notion of how each other had known us through the years. This turned into an appreciation fest with us as the grateful, slightly-embarrassed-at-times subjects of the loving commentary. The circle sharing time will surely prove to be one of the truly bolstering moments in our lives. We've been in spaces before where each of us as individuals have been affirmed and thanked, but never so clearly as a couple. Thank you. You know who you are. And now, we have a better idea of who we are, too, and what you and we mean to each other.
Next came salad with boiled eggs, served on the plate with the main course: Shepherd's Pie. But these were not just any boiled eggs; no, these were Tangly Woods eggs boiled by genius chef Seth Amsden to the perfect point where the yolk was just gelled, still clarified in appearance. Pickled radish pods lain across the split halves for a few minutes before and during serving imparted their salty, vinegary, mustardy goodness to the eggs...the best I've had! An excellent pairing with mixed organic salad greens from our dear friends Dave and Lee of Radical Roots farm, who were present in the room. Shepherd's Pie, as Janelle well knows, is the dish I claim as my favorite when pressed, and this version made the top two of shepherd's pies I've eaten: Tangly Woods ground pork cooked with peas and Seth's magic spices, and a layer of nicely mashed potatoes topped with Janelle's cheddar; all this baked in individual-sized ceramic crocks. A fine thing to plunge a utensil into.
As if this weren't enough, it was all followed by a sour cherry-rhubarb pie course, prepared as individual "hand pies" (essentially a gourmet flaky-crusted hot pocket...uh-huh) served with Fair Trade decaf.
I ended the evening just the perfect amount of full, in many senses of the word. It was a celebration of our partnership, but since Janelle planned it as a surprise for me, many of my favorite foods and my love of music were highlighted. And I may have been the person who enjoyed all of that the most exquisitely, but I dare say our guests enjoyed it pretty well, too! Janelle providing some ingredients to Gray Jay allowed them to offer the dinner at a discounted rate, still we were honored that so many great people were willing to take the time and spend the money to enjoy this celebratory meal together. The use of ingredients and meal components from other local friends lent a warm, baked-in feel to the whole thing. As we talked over the event on the way home and lying in bed that night (the kids slept over upstairs at Grandma and Grandpa's!), as well as on the leisurely hike to Hensley's Pond we were able to enjoy on our actual anniversary the next morning (this involved coffee, leftover hand pies, and me presenting Janelle with my own surprise--20 poems about our love and relationship) Janelle filled me in on some of her secrets kept over the past while. She'd been shuttling ingredients to Gray Jay, meeting with them and the musicians, and practicing the song whenever I was out gardening and she was in. I commented that she must be feeling so relieved that it was all over. Little did I know...
WOW! I was, first off, taken almost totally by surprise by the concert. The whopper Janelle had told to throw me off the trail of that event was that the girls--especially Alida--felt a little left out of the "surprising Daddy" fun and wanted to do another special family-level surprise outing. So Friday evening I good-naturedly got myself clean and semi-fancy and once again donned the bandanna blindfold. This time it was too close to throw me off directionally, so I knew we were at the Old Massanutten Lodge, but that seemed reasonable since my sister knows the owners and has held a small birthday party for her husband and maybe other events there. As Janelle opened the door I heard a baby or toddler making noise, which fit the idea in my head, since her daughter is 2. Then the blindfold came off. I did not remember this from the live action, but in the videos I clearly tottered a bit, keeling over into Janelle before regaining my balance. How would YOU react to the clear majority of the people most important to you suddenly appearing in front of you with smiling faces and shouting "Surprise!" all at once?
After a moment of taking in the crowd (of about 120) assembled to celebrate our partnership, Janelle wisely steered this introvert towards a side galley room containing refreshments, which allowed me to reappear at my leisure with a plate of food and a mug of decaf coffee to hide behind. I thoroughly enjoyed mingling then with the precious gathered. After we'd all mingled enough and consumed our fill of re-created wedding cake (pineapple nut carrot w/cream cheese frosting...still delish!), we settled our celebrating selves into seats while the musicians took the stage. 
Well, o.k., most of the adults settled into seats...the young children, of which there were many, largely tore around the place together having a splendid time and a few adults were occupied with keeping tabs on them. I was still reeling with surprise and delight as Janelle got up to perform the WHOLE set of songs she'd been practicing these many months. She was backed up by more dear friends: Christopher and Maria Clymer Kurtz of Clymer Kurtz Band notoriety, and CJP student Jim Cole of Jim Cole notoriety. She sang "When You Say Nothing At All" again, but this time also "Saints and Angels" (Sara Evans), and "A Few Good Things Remain" (Kathy Mattea). Lovely! I'd sit for that set anytime. After her tour de force was finished, she joined me on the couch facing the stage area and Jim played four: "Ain't no Sunshine When She's Gone," "Fire and Rain" (James Taylor), "Humble Yourself as a Child" (his own, written with his daughter) and another he wrote for a friend's wedding years ago. Next Christopher and Maria brought us six, selected from a list Janelle had provided of some favorites, spiced with one or two they wanted to include. They also performed a song I have written, which was a special kind of treat for me...certainly a first. The Clymer Kurtz list is: "Two of a Kind Working on a Full House" (Garth Brooks), "The Power of Two" (Indigo Girls), "The Language of Birds" (Jason Myers-Benner), "Give Yourself to Love" (which I sang at Emily and Jonas' wedding 6 years prior), "Looking in the Eyes of Love" (which Janelle and I sang together at Karen and Sue's wedding), and "The Thought of You" (The Proclaimers). Twice Janelle also had me come up and read out poems from the collection I had just generated for her, and the performance portion of the evening was capped off with "Gulf Coast Highway" (Nancy Griffith), which she called me up for also, since that is a song we often sing together, so she knew I could wing it. I only messed up the words and harmonies a few times... 
After that, we transitioned to a viewing of the old PBS special movie "Frog." Among my family and a few of our friends this is a cult classic, and some kids might have needed a little wind-down time. Also it was a good excuse to serve everyone some Tangly Woods red popcorn. By the time that was over, the crowd had mostly dispersed (some of them enjoying an incredible sunset, that we missed entirely, as they left). We did some tear-down and put-away, loaded up cars, and headed home to another kid sleepover at the Grandparents'. This time, Janelle assured me, there really were no secrets left, and she is mighty relieved to go back to our usual policy of transparent honesty with each other!
I am still left pondering the dual amazements of: 1) The deceitful double life those around me have been living all this time, including Terah, who at three years of age kept a big secret from me for 10 months! The world is not the way I thought it was. 2) The wonderful blessing of so many friends and family coming together to affirm and celebrate our partnership.
What a wonderful, satisfying celebration it has been. Janelle planned such meaningful and high-quality events that celebrated our 20 years (20 years!) together so appropriately. And such a good, full twenty years it's been. We are truly fortunate people, and we know it. I'll end this by dropping in the two poems (in current form) that Janelle had me read out during the concert. Caution: they are in draft form, and as such are too long and can take a while to get going. Still she chose these to read since they represented our life and love as accurately (according to us) as any in the cycle. Here they are:
When We Let
Ourselves Forget
Of words and images
that
would instruct us
how to love and live there
seems
no end. The
human tendency to fit, to
blend
into the background
made of crowds: this will
not
leave us. It has
served us humans well, I’m sure:
The
one who finds their
self at odds could be cast
out!
That pain is real.
It matters, but in times
when
such conformity
is formula for brazen, rash
destruction
of our spirits,
not to mention of our chance
to
hand our children a
baton of love expressed in
life-sustaining
soils, trees,
and waterways well-cared for,
you
and I have found
that we must turn away.
We
have to train our
eyes on things our culture
is
ignoring, and ignore
our culture’s training. And
it’s
hard: Each day
another set of choices looms.
The
ever-present pull
of what’s expected, what’s
enjoyed,
and who is
offering security or status:
I
can feel it even in
my sleep! But what’s to
lose?
What’s to lose by
stepping off the bus that’s
bound
for candy-coated
Hell? Give us a quiet
moment,
let us hear the
sparrow sing, let us pull aside
the
weeds and introduce a
seed and it will all make
sense again: the choice
to work long hours here on
this
green slope, backs to
the sun; the shunning of
the
ever-bigger car; the
absence of a television; lack
of
glossy magazines with
airbrushed photographs of
painted
women selling chemicals
and clever shapes of plastic, or
a
credit card account…what
have you…stare too long at those
and
we’ll forget the beauty
all around us: It will fade into
a
cheery wallpaper that
stands behind our hip selections
from
the catalog and really
makes them pop. This morning
as I
stroked my scythe
along the contours of the land
and
laid the thigh-high
grasses on their sides in rows
I
thought and thought
about this: We have not been
ones
to read from all the
best books we could find on
farming,
synthesize a plan that
suits us and proceed to make
it
so upon the land. Instead
we’ve asked ourselves, “What do
we
like to eat, and what
is this place ready to produce? What
does the soil need? What will
our children want?”
At
times when folks who
know their stuff come by and
look
around I second-guess it.
Certainly we would have better
standing
– maybe even land a
spot as speakers at a conference –
if
we’d pursue a path of
excellent, professional design and
implement
it with aplomb. Alas!
That life is someone else’s. This
is
ours and when we
let ourselves forget – when we
have
turned away from lies and
ego long enough – that’s when the
land
can speak its truth and
be a finer teacher than the
most
iconic books. And
Then there’s us: you claim I’m
sexiest
behind the wheel
hoe, tending crops. You’ll never
find
the likes of me in ads
for aftershave! And as for you,
no
model’s body crammed
into impossible ideals holds a
candle
to the beauty of
your naked sides and waistline
curving
in the moonlight. What
have they to say to us? Ignore
them!
Let them croon their
perky desperation into other ears.
My
sweet love, we are we, and
we are here; our hands made
rough
and firm by duty,
we’re the stuff and terms of beauty,
wonderstruck
and open-eyed
disciples of the wisdom we’ve
found
living in the land.
When
we get to the
end of our journey together –
however
it ends – may
we be found looking back
fondly
over a landscape
full of all the varied forms
and
arrangements of
life, a footpath thread
running
through it
just wide enough for two.
“See?,”
we can say, “That’s
where we’ve been.” May we hold each
other and remember the
losses, the loves, the hollows
we
couldn’t see out of, the
ridges we never wanted to
leave.
I can’t imagine being
ready for this journey with
you
to be over. I just know
I can only imagine walking
the
path –wherever it leads –
side by side with you.
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