2019 Myers-Benner Year in Review!

Well, everyone's Christmas loot has been relieved of its wrapping and squirreled away in private piles. It's time to write this yearly reflection.

In some ways it does feel like the same letter. We've just reviewed 2017's and 2018's versions, and they both sounded pretty familiar (pardon the pun). Maybe that will help keep this one shorter!

Terah turned 4 in October and has not toned down her spunk in 2019. Thank goodness! She's got lots of catching up to do, with two older sisters who can do so many cool things. At this year's hog butchering she stood with nose poked over the edge of a wooden table where Alida was dicing pork fat for the lard kettle. "I want to be old enough to cut lard!," we heard her wistfully wish. She did foray into the use of sharp knives this summer with the slicing of okra for the freezer. Taking her out in the evenings is not now so risky, as her attention span lengthens and naps are a thing of the past. At Shalom Mennonite's Christmas Eve service last evening she sat attentively--albeit on three different laps--and sang along with a few of the carols. This makes her daddy's musical heart go kinda soft. She frequently joins in card and board games way above her age level (because that's what's being played), often succeeding to a surprising degree, particularly at "Set." Her concept of fairness, however, correlates more to her victory/loss status than anything. Maybe we'll let her be 4 after all.

Alida is now 8, going on 9 in March. She seems to relish being a kid, but like most kids loves to feel like she's learning and accomplishing things. New fiber crafts hold a special place for her. Just now she is knitting a set of "doll scarves." She has two pet chickens that she cares for most mornings, usually with a ready, positive attitude. This year she's spent a day together most weeks with a homeschooled friend only a year older that she met through soccer. They immerse themselves in big kid projects, clubs, schemes, and GIGGLING! Alida likes to work in more traditional academic areas, too, including spelling, math, and anything else she thinks up for Kali to "play" teach. Maybe because learning usually comes easily for Alida she tends to lose her steam for any given session if she gets an answer wrong. With art, too, perfectionism is a hurdle for her, and adapting or starting over when a piece has disappointed her in some way is often too much to handle. Gardening may be the best therapy for perfectionism--watching how the plants make do--and Alida's flower garden this year was a joy for us all. She also succeeded at growing popcorn this year, with the planting dates versus the neighbor's GMO corn favoring keeping lots of seed. The 2019 crop crossed some kind of genetic threshold for her corn, such that most of it showed the coloration she's been selecting for. At one point in the picking she called out to me in wonderment and joy, "Daddy! This year is my reward for all that hard work!"

We continue to honor Nora's memory throughout the year, hanging her stocking with the others, embracing the awkwardness of answering the trite question, "How many children do you have?" with the long version when appropriate, and organizing/hosting blood drives twice a year. This year held two especially weighted and meaningful drives as our friends Eric and Peggy Brubaker's 10-year-old daughter, also named Norah (with an 'h'), died suddenly from sepsis after a croup-like illness that followed a disastrous and unexpected course. She died in April. At our June drive Eric and Peggy and some from their circle joined us for the blood drive, which we adapted to honor the memories of both of these beautiful children, who had shared time in the UVA Medical Center (at the beginning of Norah's life and the end of our Nora's). It was held for the first time at the Keezletown Ruritan hall, a change that sprang from the facilities and policy rejiggering the Red Cross did upon buying out Virginia Blood services. We liked the location! The fall drive was held there, too, and again it was a joint effort with the Brubakers and their circle, to whom it also seemed to furnish meaning in the presence of loss as it has done for us. It was the first time Kali was old enough to donate and she overcame her anxiety and did it!

Kali, now 16 (and almost completely disinterested in driving), continues to exhibit her trademark blend of optimism, gentleness, sweetness, curiosity, humor, ingenuity, and spark. You never know what she's going to do next, but whatever it is it's probably going to seem 1) Interesting, 2) Smart, and 3) Fun (If it's gulping down another in her long string of reading materials, then it is only those things for her!). This fall she tried out for EMU's production of Kate Hamill's adaptation of Jane Austen's novel, Pride and Prejudice. She made the cut and was cast as Miss Caroline Bingley. This was clearly a highlight for her and she did a fabulous job, holding her own just fine on stage with the college kids. We gained a new appreciation for the time commitment that goes into such a production (and at times wondered if that driver's license might be a good idea for future dramatic endeavors). For someone so spontaneous and creative, she sure sticks with things a long time. Ducks, for example. She's been keeping ducks since the age of 8, and this year was a fun one for that. After a year with no successful duck hatching, it was time to try it again. But the ducks were not able to settle in to an incubation routine, so we moved three extra broody chicken hens to the duck coop and allowed them to give it a shot. To our surprise, all three hens stuck out the whole four-week incubation, sharing one nest peacefully and raising the 7 successfully hatched ducklings as a mothering trio. Months later, they still run around together as a charmingly blended interspecies family. Adding to the charm as they grew was the penny whistle music that drifted out of the woods where Kali was teaching herself to play while supervising the young ducks' free ranging excursions (Tough life, but someone has to live it). Kali continues to advance in piano, is becoming more skilled as a cook and child caregiver, and sporadically has mathematical epiphanies as she is rousing from sleep. She got her braces off this year; she is fully adjusted (pardon the pun) to the new reality. Caramel, popcorn, apples...all ON limits once again! The dentist and orthodontist were pleased with the results, but then said that if she tried to cram any more wisdom into her head she would be negatively impacted, so we scheduled an appointment with a maxillofacial surgeon to get it (her) knocked out. She was nervous on the day of (as was her mother), but also deeply curious about the process. We all enjoyed the videos of her dopey behavior as the anesthesia was subsiding.

Janelle is 41 now, and also has no interest in driving, but she has to. Two days per week, anyway, there is currently no other viable way to get to the office she is still choosing to attend to. It has been a challenging year for her in many ways, including at work. It is still an excellent fit for her skills, and her contributions are still deeply appreciated by her immediate colleagues, supervisor, and the students. Furthermore, recent cohorts of students have pushed CJP in ways and on topics (systemic racism, gender awareness, etc.) that were needed and are welcome, if stretching. For these things she is genuinely grateful. But there are also ways in which that work environment has contributed to her sense of overwork and burnout. In a similar way, our home farm is deeply satisfying and intriguing to her, but the sense that the work is never done eats at her every day. It would be somewhat easier to follow the excellent advice to put your time into what makes you come alive (because what the world needs is people who have come alive) if one could determine just which things those are. Complicating this is the abiding sense that the world (writ large) is caving in and we have to do what we can to hold up the sky, and everything she is doing is a sky support activity that she must not desist from. Or, as a person privileged by race, class, and citizenship status, does not deserve to desist from. Yes, that is a heavy load, and 2019 was the year to feel its weight. On the other hand, she's gotten joy and life from some special student friendships this year, and has savored early morning coffee-and-reading sessions with her partner (yours truly) together reading Leah Penniman's Farming While Black in an effort to further our background understanding for the food justice direction we feel compelled to take our farming endeavors. She has especially appreciated the "Uplift" text boxes interspersed in each chapter that break up the often sobering reading with examples of strength, ingenuity, vision, and generosity of spirit springing from folk so long living without justice. She recommends the book to everyone - not just farmers! In the same vein, even when life feels heavy for Janelle there are so many moments of joy and fulfillment, especially when sharing one's life with plants, animals, and children! This she also recommends. Janelle did manage to distract from the more existential ruminations for a few months in spring when she and the girls told lie after lie to Jason to protect the secret of the surprise concert and [decoy event] party she was throwing to celebrate our 20th anniversary in May. It was a hoot! Thanks for coming, if you're someone who did.

Jason is 43, and while he is driving his passengers sometimes wish he would be more interested in it. His life is still largely played out among the aforementioned plants, animals, and children, and furthermore the children of the plants and animals (piglets, chicks, ducklings, seeds). He mostly passes his time completing the various implied tasks, in the background wondering what it is all about and how it could be made more harmonious. Figuratively and literally, that is, since music activities including appreciation, playing/singing, and writing are still gnawing obsessions of his. Anyhow, in this attempt at harmony, he is trying to allow it to come home to him in a practical way that his reflex has been to make progress by starting new projects or expanding/complexifying old ones rather than by simplifying, prioritizing, and/or ending projects. He acknowledges that this in no small way contributes to his dear partner's state of burnout, and in fact is a redundancy when compared with her work situation, wherein she deals with big-hearted, big-idea, creative faculty and staff members all day, all week, all year long.

Recently the two of us (Jason and Janelle) spent a few days at Lost River State Park in a quiet little cabin with almost no one else around (also recommended - and more than once every 5 years), where we actually had time to dig into some of the issues that plague us and were able to make some decisions. Jason experienced such pleasure when the seed-project pruning process produced some clear reactions and priorities in his psyche. It was joy (and a little pain) to leave some perfectly good but less needful or enticing projects sitting on the shelf for someone else, for later, or for (gulp!) never. The feeling that Jason has been living with--that change is afoot--is not exactly diminished so much as it is replaced by the feeling that we are entering that change; living through it. Still it is not at all clear what that change is or what the results will be. It could be, in fact, that this is all a matter of recognizing that change is the universal constant and growing accustomed to such. Jason is not presenting at any conference this winter. You see, he had grown uncomfortable in that position. Most particularly, he realized that: 1) The spaces he'd been in as a presenter were almost exclusively white spaces, and 2) While he can't help showing up in any social space as a white male, he had not yet learned how to do so skillfully and responsibly, and ought to make some progress on that before taking on more of this kind of leadership. He will continue to teach chickens and chicken butchering at the Allegheny Mountain Institute once per year and Tangly Woods will continue to be open to tours/workshops as appropriate (in 2019 this included one PBS TV show interview; it may or may not result in air time). In January he and Janelle will attend the annual conference of the Future Harvest Chesapeake Alliance for Sustainable Agriculture, for which he was grateful to receive a Grazing Scholarship. At the Mininger family reunion in August, Jason picked up a tattered copy of Miss Leslie's New Cookery, an 1800's vintage cookbook. It is highly entertaining and soothing bedtime reading (ok, the recipes for sea turtle are not soothing), but given the cringe-worthy class and other biases (including against cloves), he does not recommend it in an unqualified way.

In general family news:

Everyone has enjoyed having piglets around, and we are enjoying (bearing with, also) having a glut of popcorn samples for taste-testing. Several of our plant populations seem to be turning new corners on flavor and consistency, including cantaloupe, a few popcorns, delicata squash, maybe others. This has made some of the taste testing more pleasurable! And it had better be, since there are literally hundreds of rounds of popcorn to test.

Our dear friends Jonathan and Christen (the same Jonathan who used to live at Tangly Woods) just bought the house a few doors down. YES!! We are excited to enter each others' lives in more practical, day-to-day ways and are grateful to Jason's sister Emily and her husband Jonas for seeing more value in selling them the house than keeping it for a rental. The neighborhood just got more interesting and more cozy!

We've had a surge of interest in music around here, with all the kids taking piano lessons, and with singing together entering play times. At the annual "Sing for your Supper" event held the day after Thanksgiving at Jason's aunt Ruth's place, we sang and played May Erlewine's song, "Grateful" as a family with Kali on piano, Janelle on guitar, Jason on mandolin. This is a whole new level of family fun!

Soccer is still a big focus for the kids for several months each spring and fall; this fall even TERAH got in on the fun!

With another year of (part-time) intergenerational living under our belts, we affirm more than ever what a good idea it is. Unless it's not...we can't say what would or wouldn't work for any other family, but just watching our kids' comfort and affection in the presence of Janelle's parents makes it clear to us: Life is to be shared! The relationships our girls are nurturing with their grandparents is a gift of immeasurable value! We also enjoy sharing many other aspects of life at Tangly Woods together, and Mom seems especially eager to be part of our deep clean phase #2 this winter. Dad and Janelle have to fight sometimes for turns doing the chores, but the break in morning chores and Mom's availability to be "on call" if the girls need anything, has given us the chance to slip out for some morning jogs/walks!

A few special times in 2019: 

~ A 20 year reunion of the 1998/1999 residents (of which Janelle was one during the year after our return from Bolivia and before our wedding) of the former EMU group house known as Martin House. There was much laughter, storytelling, game playing, sharing meals together, singing and sharing times! It was a great group to be with the first time, and it was only better this time! In terms of relationships, the intervening time seemed to melt away. In terms of kids, the passage of time was clearly evident. 

~The Clymer Kurtz band returned to Tangly Woods for another house concert. It turns out it was their final one in that configuration. Are Christopher and Maria Clymer Kurtz (anchors of the former band) going to return to Tangly Woods in their new duo configuration, "Clymer & Kurtz?" Stay tuned!

~Janelle was on the planning committee for the Mininger Reunion in August, a reunion that comes around every 3 years. Following that meaningful time of connecting with extended family, Janelle's great aunt Eleanor Mininger came to our home for nine days in autumn: a wonderful time of storytelling, relishing home life together, and connecting with our grandparents' generation.

Another upshot of the Lost River retreat time was a decision to take Sabbaths. That is to say in 2020 we're going to try consolidating some of our planned "family time" and "time off" that we've worked hard to wrangle into our schedules into a one-day-per-week periodic episode of lowered productive expectations. Of course, we'll have to care for animals and cook food, but we can also take walks, play games, read, nap, spend time in the woods, and visit with friends and neighbors, or what-have-you. In the busy week, we'll have that break to look forward to. We can't guarantee every week will afford this kind of repose, but we had to be real and practical about the need for rest (and are a bit chagrined it took us being in a state of urgency about it to finally make this commitment).

Well, as always this year-end blog post feels very incomplete. How do you sum up a year? We'd best not try any longer, but will instead leave you with this little sample. Please feel free, however--if you want to collect some more details--to peruse our blog, which is where you are reading this now. Just scroll down or select months/headings from the sidebars. And you can sign up to receive new blog posts by email in the upper right corner if you are so inclined.

May you find, at this turning of the year, that you can't ignore what the sky tells us this season: It may be the coldest of times now, but the light is returning and warmer days are coming! Written by Jason for all the Myers-Benners with editing from Kali and Janelle

P.S. See below for family photos taken on the first day of every month in 2019, from the same place and "as is."

Biochar burn, sabbath, daughter date and sick for Christmas

The sunset through the trees was beautiful as I rushed around to shut in the ducks and chickens. Now I'm inside with Christmas music playing, the lights on the trees glowing, and a sleeping sick child across from me on the futon (the rest of the family is at Christmas Eve service with my parents). She was worried she would be lonely while I dashed out to get in the  laundry, feed the pigs, collect eggs and then the final shutting in of the night. But by the last dash out and back, sleep overtook her. I wish I could take Alida's place. Kids anticipate this time of year so much and then to feel crummy when it arrives is such a bummer! But, honestly, I think she feels too bad to even care much. She hasn't kept anything down today and only mustered enough energy to wash up so she could decorate a few gingerbread cookies to set aside for when she feels good again. She was also my teammate for a game, advising me from her lounging position on how much to bid during our game of 7 Up & 7 Down. She didn't even seem to care much whether we won or lost - she is clearly sick! She did manage to participate in our gift exchange game with Grandma, Grandpa, Aunts Karen and Sue and seemed to perk up at least a tiny bit at various points during their visit (at least she could still make faces at Grandpa).

When she got up and threw up this morning, I was curious if it could be her body just repelling the vast quantities of sugar and processed foods she had consumed the day before. That happened to Kali once! The girls and I did a dozen plus errands yesterday and at half of those (yes 6 times) we were offered candy or cookies: first the pharmacist, then Santa at TJ Maxx, then Friendly City Food Co-op, then at the homes of two friends and finally at Bowl of Good Cafe when we picked up pig scraps (thankfully there we were also offered a big bag of salad leftover from a catering event that day). But the food hypothesis doesn't seem to hold much weight with the more sustained droopiness, multiple instances of vomiting and fever. Where she got it I'm not sure, but we certainly made our rounds in public places yesterday. Are the rest of us the next in line? Time will tell!

But I'm getting ahead of myself. The main impetus for this post was to share a little about our 6th annual biochar burn event. We've posted about this other years and the main things that change are that the kids keep growing more and more each year, a different group joins us, and we learn a few things each year to make the next go more smoothly. Last year's reflections include an abbreviated version of a meditation Jason wrote. As we were preparing for this year, Jason noted that he didn't feel very inspired to read this again so either wanted to write something new or find something else. I decided on a third option - I found other people to read his meditation! For me personally the meditation is something I could stand to read multiple times a year, and this year I found myself tearing up as we each took turns reading short sections of the meditation. It was probably having Alida and Kali participate in the reading and Terah's excitement and enthusiasm at being big enough and old enough and strong enough to help that touched me most profoundly. This is their life. They love being involved and a part of the rituals we are crafting in this place. That is what I want more than anything!

It was fun to have my parents around for this day for the first time, though not pleasant that my mom got a thorn in her finger from brush hauling that is still reminding her (painfully) of the day! A sprinkling of other neighbors and friends joined us either for the biochar burn or an evening potluck following. As always, it was a small crowd and I found myself wondering if we should nix the "public event" model. But then those that came seemed happy to be part of it and others sent regrets hoping to make it some year. So we'll see. It's at the point where we invite people not to help with the labor of it; we've got a system that our family could handle alone. It's more that it feels too meaningful and fun to not invite others to join us (especially folks that might like to try something similar in their home places of living/working)!

We do keep learning. Last year we had a pretty frustrating fire due to our brush pile not being fully dry. This year, Jason tarped most of the pile a few weeks back to protect it from rain. Other than one small layer that was pretty thick with leaves, we had very dry brush and thus a hot and much cleaner fire. In addition to feeling better about reducing the pollution created by the fire, it meant the biochar burn went FAST! We moved up the start time since last year we were burning until after dark. As it turned out the whole burn only took about 2.5 hours. So we were filling the pit with water well before dark/dinner. We used the entire brush pile and have a full pit of char that we already started putting compost on top of. And it was time - this year's pile was full to the brim!

While the chickens stayed their distance from the fire during the burn, they are quite thrilled with the removal of the brush pile, leaving them the duffy stuff under the pile to scratch around in. Within minutes of us clearing the pile away, they came in to start their work!

So that was Saturday, which means the next day was Sunday and our first day to try our hand at a "sabbath day." I'm going to use that word as I haven't found another word for what we are aiming for that does it better. Our hopes for our Sundays are that they will provide time for rest, a break from the work rhythms and routines of the other 6 days, and moments of connection with each other, ourselves and nature. Towards the end of the day Jason said something to me to the effect of not being sure how this will go long term but that the first day was really pleasant!

Jason and I enjoyed coffee and reading together before the kids woke. Once everyone was out of bed, we went out together to do the morning animal chores and clean up from the biochar burn (those were the only non-negotiable things of the day). When we came back in, we were all ready for a late brunch of nutty sweet potato waffles and the first of our 2019 bacon. Tanked up, we headed for Hensley's Pond. That netted us connection time with each other, with nature and with friends who we met up with there (unplanned). We enjoyed some great rock skipping on ice and a large enough persimmon snack that Terah's belly was feeling funny on the hike back!

We took two timed photos at the lake but the second was way too normal. This one is much more like how things really are most of the time!! We had so much fun lingering at the lake and swinging by Jonathan and Christen's on the way home that it was nearly dark by the time we got back. So no naps this Sunday but we did enjoy popcorn and another not so stellar Christmas movie that I had checked out of the local library. I really don't have a very good track record on picking out good holiday movies. Jason was gracious and said he didn't think it was as much about my selection abilities as what is available in the Christmas movie genre (any good suggestions for us?!).

I really needed Sunday to prepare me for Monday! For most of the day, the girls and I were in town for a little last minute Christmas shopping, the weekly pig buckets and deliveries rounds, and then a visit with a friend at a local retirement community (that was definitely the most relaxing and fun part of the day - putting together two puzzles while we visited). In terms of the shopping part of the day, there are very few stores anymore that don't leave me feeling physically, mentally and emotionally sick! The girls did great and I really don't know how I'd make it through a day like this if we had kids that were not fun to have along for errands. They help it be much better, but they can't completely eliminate that ickiness. That said, when Terah proudly run off to get her new gloves to show to yet another person and tries to enunciate clearly that these are "insulated" it is pretty cute!

One of the biggest challenges yesterday was fitting us and all the stuff in the car. While I wish we didn't need a car at all, I think most people would agree that we use more or less every inch of it. I could not get a good picture, but after our last pig bucket stop, the trunk was full/overflowing, things were stuffed under seats and on/around kids, and the full front all the way up and on the dash was crammed. The one restaurant had cleared out a bunch of stuff to take a long holiday break. And for some reason the store had 3 full boxes of bread. I did not want to complain but sure did wish when I saw it that I was comfortable driving our car with trailer in tow. Might need to work on that!

I had just enough time upon arrival home to do all the unloading, mixing up the next pig barrel, evening chores and freshening up for our date with Kali! For Christmas, we gave each of the girls a coupon for a date with us. We had to give them the coupons early since Kali's was happening before on the 23rd. Alida and Terah's will happen in January so stay tuned! Jason and I are clearly getting the best deal in all of this because we each get 3 dates (special outings with each of our daughters)! If they all end up being as fun as last night, it will be a big success!

We went to the American Shakespeare Center in Staunton to see A Christmas Carol. So much talent in one room! This was my first time at this playhouse and when I bought tickets I had no idea I had gotten tickets for seats on the stage. Kali and Jason were more into this than me. In the end, we were not on the side of the stage where audience members had hats put on their heads or coats thrown over them. Jason almost got offered an imaginary cup of beer but then the actor said he was too young. We had our hands shook in one scene but that was about it, other than being within a few feet of cast members much of the night. It's such a unique theater experience as they perform with all the lights on and involve the audience much more. Definitely one of the moments that got the most laughs was when Scrooge came in for the first time and was walking in through the audience and grabbed someone's drink and drank the whole can. He crushed the can, dropped it and moved on. How they stayed in character so well is beyond me. It really was incredible and perfect for Kali. She noted multiple times that it was an excellent coupon!

When we left, we decided to stroll down one of the main streets in Staunton before heading home. We came upon Split Banana, a cute little gelato shop. So we enjoyed gelato and talking about the play to top of the evening! We came home to a quiet house with Alida and Terah already sacked out upstairs in "the cave" at Grandma and Grandpa's.

While we had Kali to ourselves for four years before Nora joined our family, we rarely have time with just Kali anymore. So I believe I can say that it was an evening savored by all three of us!

The rest of the family should be rejoining us soon and I'm hoping Alida will feel a bit perkier after a long nap (or at least by Christmas morning). Time to get laundry folded and eggs put away...