Cuteness in abundance - and "newsflash!!"

We all look forward to our "date nights with Ivy," which come around monthly. Yesterday was such a gorgeous day that it seemed a shame to spend any more of it inside than we absolutely had to! The cooler temperatures made an outdoor fire seem attractive and our girls are always up and eager to make pizza pockets over the fire. So we had a plan!!

I love watching kids enjoy the outdoors - and with such abandon! They played and ate and played and ate and got REALLY messy! The food was delicious, the air was fresh and cool, and there was some serious cuteness to take in. Ivy was so sweet sitting in the big chair downing her pizza pocket and about 1/2 a quart of dill pickles! I had to feed her pickles after awhile because going from eating to playing to eating meant that the food had a sandy crunch to it if not inserted directly in the mouth from someone else.

I love Ivy's, "I splatted!" And she was doing a lot of that. Her two feet haven't quite learned to come off the ground together but she sure was attempting to hop into the puddles. I'm not sure how long they could have played out there and it likely would have been a hard sell to get them to leave that fun and come inside, but the offer of a bath with lots more toys to play with got the two littlest ones traipsing up the hill. We did not take any detours but I plopped them both right in the tub, where they proceeded to play until pick up time. What fun was had by all!

Some day Jason and I are going to make an outdoor fire and leisurely make pizza pockets by ourselves and then sit there watching the fire, reminiscing about the good old days when kids were under foot and we would just sit down to take a bite when someone needed a drink, or another pickle, or their food fell in the sand, or a child was about to go down the slide in a precarious position, or someone was getting just a hair too close to the fire, or someone needed to poop, or the fire needed restoking, or someone wanted another pizza, or we needed to check the three pizza pockets we had on the fire, or.... You get the picture!

But let me not wish away these days any faster than they are flying by already! We are seeing signs of kids growing up all over the place!! And here comes the NEWSFLASH! At about 2 years and 8 months Terah just spent her first night WITHOUT me!!!! I'm still in a bit of a shock that it happened and went off without a hitch - or at least without any difficulty on her part (that is once she went to bed around midnight).

Mom was here for part of this past week while my Dad happily birded elsewhere. She offered for the girls to have a sleepover upstairs and normally that means the two oldest. But Terah seemed more ready and we offered for her to join and when she learned this meant she could try out her hand-me-down sleeping bag and sleep in the "cave" (their walk through closet) she was in! At least verbally so. I thought maybe she was going to be all talk on this one and when bedtime came around would recant and want to come downstairs. Not so!

It sounds like she did an hour or two routine of getting ready for bed, needing a snack, brushing teeth again, being thirsty, getting hungry again, brushing teeth and then finally after a big poopy she sacked out near midnight. I had been sleeping for quite some time by then!! Then in the wee hours of the morning (around 4 a.m. or so - which happened to be almost to the minute the exact 10 year anniversary of Nora's death), I woke and then rested fitfully for a bit before getting up to head to work around 6. I started thinking about her in her sleeping bag and worried she got down to far and couldn't breath underneath the covers. Clearly I was sure she couldn't possibly have just slept peacefully up there all night without me - which was, in fact, exactly what she had done!

She's still a fan of "mama milk" but also clearly can go without it. And she also seems to be quite used to waking up with Grandma nearby rather than me or Jason. This morning, as I was doing my morning puttering she woke and I heard her call, "GRANDMA" from our bed. Thankfully she wasn't disappointed to see me and thought it was funny when I told her she would have to call a bit louder for Grandma to hear her all the way from West Virginia! We enjoyed our time so much having Mom around and miss her already! (And a goal for future blogs: I need to make an effort to get some pictures of Mom and the girls when they are together - so often when she is here and spending time with the girls I am at work or occupied with other things - but I'll make an effort!)

Ok, time to pick some lettuce and get some compost on our corn patches. Off we go!!

10th Anniversary Blood Drive for Nora

This one is going to be a little hard to top! We gathered Monday with many others to remember Nora at Virginia Blood Services. What a special evening! There were many things about it that made it extra memorable.

When we arrived I noticed that they had a sign out front and that the place looked extra orange inside. As we got closer, I could see a lot of their staff looking at the windows watching us approach and that they had clearly decided to go the extra mile in preparing for us. There were orange balloons and streamers and t-shirts and many of the staff were wearing orange. If I hadn't been ushering kids in with my hands full of stuff to set up, I think I would have just stopped and cried right there in the parking lot. I felt overwhelmed by their thoughtfulness and how excited they seemed to join in the celebration.

The sign out front noted "in memory of Nora Lynne" but also mentioned "the Gratitude Pool." I didn't really understand what that meant but didn't have time to think too deeply about it either. It wasn't long before the first donors arrived and things got crazy from there until the end - but a good kind of crazy. It was our largest turn out by far and with so many people near and dear to us. In the end we had 23 successful blood/platelet donations. A few folks joined who had never donated before, which is always a bonus. And we had lots of potential future donors (kids) around and under foot. I tried to count up everyone that was there and think I am right at 56, with about 15 of those being little people!

That does not count their amazing staff and also one platelet donor who was giving when we got there. I thought it was amazing that she happened to be also wearing orange. I found out later that it was not a coincidence; the staff had called her to tip her off to the event and told her she could keep her appointment but should wear orange. She did, and also brought bright orange cupcakes to donate to the tables laden with orange snacks. So so sweet!

So we had donors/contributors of all kinds. We had blood and platelet donors, snack donors, cuteness contributions in abundance, not to mention hugs and cheerleading contributions. It was all a part of what made it a meaningful few hours. Shortly after we arrived and before things got fully rolling, I was called over to Jason who was preparing to give platelets. A representative from their Charlottesville headquarters had joined for the evening, and as it turns out he was there to present to us a plaque. That is when I learned what "the Gratitude Pool" was. So it seems that Jason and the VBS staff had been in cahoots for some time now to surprise me. VBS had recently started this program and our group was the first to meet some kind of threshold of giving. So, in essence, "the Gratitude Pool" is a team of donors that are organized around the memory of Nora Lynne. That is a sweet thing!

What they presented to us is an "excellence in community partnership volunteer achievement award." At the time, I really didn't have an extra second to reflect on it all. What struck me the most was that Jason had successfully kept such a surprise from me for months! And then the look on the staff faces, who seemed so excited to have pulled it off and eager to unveil the plans. And then touched that they had thought of our group as the one they really wanted to see come together for this. That all meant so very much to me!

In the hours and days following, as I always do, I've stewed a bit more on the whole thing. I can never seem to let things just be simple! I started having musings about what the actual purpose was of this "team of donors" and if somehow this was going to shift the focus of these events in a way that would impact their meaning and significance for me/us. I didn't want that!

Giving blood stems from a very individual desire to do something I thought I could not do and to do that to honor Nora, and the things her life taught me. For awhile it was just something Jason and I would do together and over time it became very meaningful. It then became a ritual we wanted to broaden and invite others to join us in. And the rest is history. I want the goal of our times to remain gathering to remember Nora and honor her by giving to others. That is why we keep doing the blood drives 2x a year. And, honestly, there is an aspect of it all that is kind of selfish. For me, it feels really important to have our friends and family remember that Nora is part of our family. As time goes on, there are less opportunities where she naturally comes up in conversation or where people mention her. This is a very clear and easy way to keep that in front of others and I like that. So if we can do good for others while remembering her and asking others to remember her with us, all the better.

I do not, however, want to start amassing a collection of VBS awards. For our regular blog readers, you are familiar with my aversion to accumulating "stuff" and our recent successful deep clean/purge! I also find that "prizes" and even often being paid for something can sometimes cheapen the whole thing for me. It's almost like trying to put a tangible value on something that is very intangible messes it up. Bear with me for a tiny soapbox moment: I get so annoyed at "do good" organizations (environmental ones are right up there on my list) that send you mailing upon mailing highlighting what you can get if you give x amount of dollars. It's not their fault - they are clearly doing what works. I'm frustrated that as a culture and society, we need to be rewarded for caring for the environment or doing what needs to be done to make the world a more just and equitable place for all... Okay, stepping down now!

All that to say that after a helpful email exchange with some of their staff, I feel like we are all clear on the purpose and goal of our events, so onward we go! Mark your calendars now for October 30th, Nora's 11th birthday. Same time, same place!

I don't want to end without saying how much it means to me to have so many children at these events. This was an especially kid-filled event and I loved it. From a few months old all the way up to Kali at 14 (and we realized that as early as next fall 2019, Kali would be eligible to join as a donor!!). For the most part they seemed to have a grand time coloring, eating snacks, and watching what was happening. There were a few moments of skepticism when both parents headed off to check in/donate, but then other kids stepped up to entertain and console. It was very cute! The most touching moment for me is the one picture above when I'm donating. Terah came over to watch and was doing fine and talking to me until the moment when I got stuck. And then she dissolved into tears. It took some concentrated effort to convince her that I had asked them to do it, that I was ok, that I was not hurting badly, and that this was all in the plan. She was not at all sure about it. As you can see here, though, for the most part she had a grand time!!

I will just close by saying a big THANK YOU to all who joined us! For those that had never joined us before (but hopefully will again in the future) and for our faithful regulars who have hardly missed a blood drive. To those that never met Nora but have gotten to know her through us and to those who knew her intimately well. Thanks for sharing memories with us, for honoring Nora with us and for the many ways you have walked with us and supported us on this journey of living and loving and losing. There has been loss and grief and there has also been a lot of joy and celebration. Our lives are richer having had Nora with us and also richer because of the ways others have gathered around us to honor her life in an ongoing way. The Gratitude Pool...it's a good name!

 

Overflowing streams, hair donation, remembering Nora...

For those that follow this blog close enough to be left hanging if we don't fill you in on something (I imagine that is a very few of you!), today was the other "partial family retreat day" referred to earlier. For once we did not have a very clearly thought out plan ahead of time - in part due to the fact that we watched Nora's memorial service together until late last night and were all too tired and/or emotional to do more than go to bed after! So it was more of an unfolding day than most are around the Myers-Benner home!

I walked to the end of the driveway first thing to assess water levels as I had not heard cars drive by and was suspicious that the creek had overrun its banks. It had!

Back at the house, Jason brewed decaf while I made breakfast. I think this might have been our third morning of hot drinks and Wendell Berry Sabbath poems in a row. Thanks rainy weather!

Once Kali rolled out of bed, she got some food in her and got a little heavier, and then got her hair chopped and got a little lighter. She had decided to donate her hair again in memory of Nora on this 10th anniversary. She is pretty cute with her short cut! It's shorter than we both anticipated, but it suits her great and I think she is already getting used to it! Wouldn't you know it, then both other sisters wanted hair cuts. That OR Alida wanted Jason to chop his so she could have the longest hair in the family. As it turned out, I was able to get away with trimming little locks of Alida and Terah's hair so they could also give some to the birds for their nests. Terah was still unsure of this compromise but a family rain walk/explore got her mind on other things. I did manage to do their hair all the same way which they were all fond of!

Off we went to explore the streams along the road (ok, look at them...not really explore them!), snacking on mulberries on our way down the lane. I'll let the pictures and videos show you what we found. The coolest thing was definitely a place at the edge of the yard of Emily and Jonas' rental house on our road where someone must have had a stake in the ground at some point. The ground is SO saturated and wanted to go somewhere with the water that there was a little water fountain coming right out of the ground. Crazy! The whole turf around it was spongy and moved. A little unnerving too...

When we arrived back at home, some very fun fire ring pool play time happened while Jason planted the giant orange poppy starts in Nora's garden. I also got stuck trying to uncover from the lush weeds the little starts of autumn joy Jason had transplanted some time ago from Nora to Terah's garden. Regarding the giant poppies, I've been pining for them and we now have a start from the same property of Emily and Jonas' mentioned above. Thanks!! It felt like good timing to add them to Nora's garden and I hope for big bursts of orange there in the future!

Now it's evening and our part of the house is quiet! Mom has offered to take the girls, giving Jason and I the evening alone - so, yes, I'm typing as fast as I can to get this out there and me off the computer! Terah is even talking of sleeping up "in the cave" (their walk through closet) with her sisters. Time will tell if she follows through. If so, that will be something to note! She is making huge strides at this growing up thing. We felt very silly this week to do something we should have done 6+ years ago. Thanks again rainy weather, getting our minds on small indoor projects. Jason installed a lower railing on the stairwell. Brilliant! Why doesn't everyone do this? It has transformed our lives and Terah is thrilled with her newfound independence, since no one is running after her when she heads to the stairs. She loves it!

One of my hopes for this evening is for Jason and I to spend more time going through our "memory box" of things from Nora. I've been chipping away at it and finding myself drawn into the memories that the various items bring back to me. It's a sweet and sad time. There is beauty and longing and reminders of how precious life is and what an incredible little light Nora was. Watching the memorial service was also such a reminder of the community that surrounded and supported us. I had a brief facebook exchange with a former colleague late last night that reminded me of a class Jason and I were resources persons for after Nora's death. Then going through the box of things, I found the poem I wrote to join in a class exercise they were all doing. Here we are again at that point in the calendar year...

Flying

Oxygen needs increasing, labored breathing, on our way to the ER.
"I won't hold a gun to your head,
but I think you need to let her go."
Her doctor's words stung.

The nurse accepted my meager offering of milk.
Nora's body tucked away out of reach,
the sound of propellers.

She was out of reach, I was out of control.

Had I abandoned her?
Did she know that this was not what I wanted?
That I loved her?

A week later, she left me.

She was in control and in my arms.
She showed me how to fly free.