Blood drive for Nora and Norah

Tuesday marked 11 years since Nora died. I would say surrounding the anniversary that I have felt quite "June 4th-ish." It's a feeling that is hard to articulate and one that I sometimes don't even identify myself initially - it was a day or two before the anniversary that it struck me as I was trying to sort out my heightened anxiety, weariness and other odd physical symptoms. For a variety of reasons, the emotions on this anniversary were more poignant than some of the past few. With a very full schedule leading up to and around the anniversary, I will admit that I did not carve out enough times for reflection and being attentive to how each of us was feeling emotionally. I felt pushed on time for the logistical preparations for the day, so was glad when the lullaby CD we played for Nora 24/7 before her death allowed some tears to find their way out.

As we have done for years now, we hosted a blood drive in Nora's memory. While there was much that was the same - familiar faces, yummy homemade snacks, meaningful rituals of remembrance - there were a number of things that made this blood drive unique from previous ones. Since Virginia Blood Services (VBS) no longer exists - it was bought by the Red Cross - this was our first drive under a new organizational umbrella. I won't go into all the things I went over in my hour long debrief phone call with my liaison at the Red Cross following the drive. In short, we've got some kinks to work out! And I'm feeling hopeful enough about the possibility of doing so that we are tentatively working towards a drive on Nora's 12th birthday, this October 30th. 

Back when I learned that drives at the old donor center would not be possible - at least in the short run - I reached out to a neighbor who is part of the local Ruritan Club to explore the possibility of hosting a drive there. They not only said "yes" but were willing to waive a large reservation fee and let us use the space for free for the blood drive. We are so grateful for their generosity in not only opening that space to us, but putting the drive on their sign, posting a flyer in their space, and helping with various logistics leading up to and on the day of the drive. I have no complaints about the space other than it almost feeling a tad too big. We were able to have registration tables, food tables, kid entertainment tables, eating tables, donor check in stations and all the donor beds and it still felt like there was lots of extra space to roam around in. I would rather a little large than too small, but I do think it was one of the factors that contributed to it losing a bit of the intimate feel of other drives.

We were able to incorporate some additional volunteers to help in other ways other than giving blood this time - mostly by having wonderful cheerful welcoming faces at the registration table to check in donors as they arrive, pointing them to the food, kids' tables and bathrooms as needed while they waited. And, thankfully, folks were in good spirits and no one gave up despite some needing to wait for quite some time for their appointment. Yes, one of my pieces of feedback is that drives need to be staffed adequately! While one staff person did have to leave due to needing medical attention herself, there were still not enough there to keep up with the appointments and being open to walk ins. It sounds like that feedback has been given by multiple departments to the Red Cross, so we'll see if lending my voice to the cause will do anything to help them rework their algorithms that tell them how many staff to put on a given drive. 

In general the Red Cross is just so much bigger than VBS and, while not necessarily always the case, it seems that with their size has come lots more regulations, strict policies, red tape and bureaucracy. Most of the staff working this drive were former VBS employees and they were kind, competent, and professional. It just felt like they were hampered by the many hoops they had to jump through to do everything exactly according to protocol! It will take some getting used to for me, and I can't shake the feeling that "it doesn't have to be this way." I did miss the homey familial feeling of VBS and will hope that maybe over time we can figure out how to recreate that. I do have some ideas already for October!

All that said, the drive was still very meaningful and we had 23 successful whole blood donations (which I was told by my recruitment coordinator was "right on target" with the goal for the drive - which I had completely forgotten). We had over 30 attempt to give but due to high or low blood pressure, recently taken medication, blood clotting before it was supposed to, and a few walk ins being turned away due to time limitations, 23 is where we landed. Besides those able to give blood, my heart is always full to bursting to have children there with us - especially those that were Nora's age. I am so grateful to them for joining to remember her with us.

A few days before the drive I was in touch with our friends, Eric and Peggy, whose 10 year old daughter Norah died this spring on Good Friday. I mentioned her in a previous post and since her death my thoughts often go to her family as they find their way through this time of intense grief and loss. I wanted to let them know that for me this drive would be for both Nora and Norah! In the end, they wanted to join us and both donated blood in memory of our daughters. We were able to include both girls in this memorial blood drive and hope that that may have been the first of many. My turquoise fingernail polish applied at Norah's memorial service had almost faded and so I, along with others, were able to paint a fingernail Norah's favorite color to continue to hold their family close in the coming weeks and months.

During the drive, I played the lullaby CD that has become "Nora's lullaby CD" to me and also played the song Grateful that we were introduced to by Norah's family. Please listen to it! It's as close to a mantra as I've got right now!

I’m gonna cry

All alone in this room

Don’t ask me why

It’s just that I need to

I feel the sorrow

And I feel the pain

And I will be grateful

At the end of the day

I’m gonna walk

Gonna walk in myself

Through the storms in my body

Through the high water hell

I will press on

Be what it may

And I will be grateful

At the end of the day

 

I’ll be a witness

To the sorrows I see

I will not feel at ease

I will not feel at peace

When the world leaves me sleepless

I’ll be awake

And I will grateful

At the end of the day

 

I will be strong

And stronger still

Torn from my hopes

Worn from my will

When I speak my truth

You’ll hear me say

I am grateful

At the end of the day

 

I will be a mother

I will learn to teach

All the love in the world

And the dangers it keeps

I will give of my heart

And to show you the way

I will be grateful

At the end of the day.

While minor in the scheme of things, I did feel very grateful that day that I was able to give blood. Jason jokingly challenged me to a race, as we were some of the last in the chairs. He had a head start and was done before I was rolling. I believe he was done in under 8 minutes and I just squeezed in under the 20 minute limit at over 18 minutes. They also had to do "some adjustments" to the needle throughout to keep it flowing at all, so I was quite happy when my dad counted down to the finish line for me! I was grateful for the "blood building syrup" an herbalist friend of mine had given to me, as I'm pretty sure I have to give it at least some of the credit for me squeaking past the iron test with a reading of 12.6 with 12.5 being the minimum. Phew!

Jason and I got to sit outside the Ruritan in the dark as we waited for the staff to be done what they needed to do so we could lock up. The girls had gone home with my parents. It was good to have a few minutes to debrief - though we were also both pining for our pillows by that time. Red Cross drives have to be a minimum of 4 hours so our 3-7 p.m. drive was 2-10 p.m. for us with set up and clean up. A long day but well worth doing and we did feel a lot of gratitude a the end of the day for all those on the journey with us!