Encounters with Sustenance: Broken Angels, along with my musings...

News flash: My bag referenced in the last post was found under a tree near where I had parked for our last main errand stop and where I was rearranging things to fit two pieces of furniture in the car alongside me, 3 kids, the pig buckets for the week and the other additions from our round of errands. My friend who found it wondered if I had flung it out of the car, as it was farther from the road than she would have expected to find it. Maybe, by that point in the errands, I was ready to fling things. Or maybe someone came along and moved it farther under the tree for more protection? We'll never know but, despite several rains during the week that it was missing, even the library books seem ok. I'm very happy to have my hat and sweatshirt back - the girls asked if I was going to have to return the replacement hat/sweatshirt my mom had graciously given me from her supply. I haven't asked yet. Mom?!

So, it is not uncommon for me to first select pictures for a blog post and then sit and just stare at the screen wondering how in the world I can add words to the photos that adequately and accurately reflect our life shared together here at Tangly Woods. For today, what I've chosen is to intersperse the lyrics of a song by Over the Rhine on their Love & Revelation album. Jason reminded me of the song Broken Angels this morning, thinking it might resonate with aspects of the journey we are traveling. It does... And so I offer it here, along with images of the day to day living we are doing together.

I want to take a break from the heartache,

drive away from all the tears I've cried.

I'm a wasteland down inside.

When I go outside these days, it takes discipline for me to not focus on the things NOT growing well. I feel a sense of confusion and also that we "must be doing something wrong" since our peas, onions and spinach all seem to be struggling to really thrive (at least some plants...). But there is so much abundance all around us too and I know that I could learn just as much by focusing on what is thriving. What a surprise for Jason and Tala to find morels at Tangly Woods in recent weeks near the base of a dying elm. It's possible that some of the clearing we did for pig paddocks opened things up and disturbed the area such that the morels could flourish. Either way, we'd like to keep working to make conditions right for them to thrive. I believe there is a chance that morels could win me over on mushrooms! We'll see!

In the crawlspace under heaven,

in the landscape of a wounded heart,

I don't know where to start.

I've done the chicken chores the last three days, which has been a wonderful way to start the day. Jason is working on a major digging project (more or less moving a hill!) and the early morning hours are prime heavy work time as the weather warms. There are chicks of ALL ages to tend to. One of my favorite coops is the arch coop that Alida takes care of. I normally do chores well before Alida and so her chickens are quite hungry, meaning I usually have a following of 30+ birds as I head to the shed. This morning, I was nearly tripping over chickens to get out the door. If a human is walking past them with a bucket, that human is likely to have a whole flock following.

But the wild geese of Mary

pierce the darkness with a song

and a light that I've been running from

and running for so long.

The major gardening project of the last while has been prepping for the girls' popcorn planting, and then putting the little corn starts in the ground after hardening them off outside. This is new for us, so time will tell if we like this method. This is our attempt to both get ahead of the neighbors planting the GMO corn across the road AND to skip the stage when the sown corn kernels are attractive for chipmunks. We wish the little plants well. Alida and Terah's patches are filled and Kali's is partly planted. She will also seed another section later on (chipmunks haven't been as much of an issue in her patch).

As their feathers spin their stories

I can still cling to my fears,

or I can run, but they come along

and we both disappear

just like all...

We continue to spend as much time outdoors as we can, including meals outside when it makes sense to do so. As in most years, the red buds ended way too soon for me. I enjoyed one last salad with a few sprinkled on this past week. We are enjoying outdoor fires whenever we can conjure up a good enough excuse to make one - and we had an excellent reason this past weekend when our friends M & W joined us, along with their three kiddos, for an afternoon/evening outside together. It was our first time all together since Covid started. We enjoyed making pizza pockets and s'mores over an outdoor fire. And clearly could have used a whole weekend camping together to even make a dent in catching up!

All these broken angels,

all these tattered wings,

all these things

come alive in me.

The other evening after getting the corn in the ground, we (after some of us sprawled on the grass for a bit) took a family hike up the hill behind our house to enjoy the sunset. The mayapples were forming a carpet in much of the woods and had just started flowering! But what Terah was most interested in was the large garlic mustards along the trail. Our Tangly Woods Great Garlic Mustard Pull had not ventured into the neighbor's woods, so there was plenty to grab as we passed by. Terah found some that were taller than her and got a bee in her bonnet to take them all the way up to the top with her, "just for the satisfaction of it." I had Jason write a whole bunch of things she said on that hike that were making my heart burst, but that index card, along with some others, went through the wash the other day so those quotes are literally washed away! She was chattering about the beauty all around us "welcoming" us.

When we got to the top, that wasn't enough for her and she decided to cart her finds all the way home. Initially she was going to pick off the garlic mustard so Grandma could make bread, but since Grandma wasn't around, I planted the idea of her and Alida making bread. She was so dedicated to this plan that when we returned she planted herself on the front porch with a bowl and her plants and proceeded to carefully pull off all the leaves. It was very cute! The next day, with not too terribly much coaching, they pulled off a batch of garlic mustard rolls. Terah liked them. Alida, not so much. Garlic mustard does give a bit of a stronger flavor to the rolls, which I can enjoy, but it was too strong for Alida's tastes. Terah enjoyed them with her morning fried egg breakfasts.

An empty frame against the madness,

like the fence line holds the fog at bay,

it's gonna roll in anyway.

In exchange for giving their farm interns a tour, our friends let Jason come and glean spinach from a large patch they planned to mow the next day. We are very happy to have 21 pints of frozen spinach in the freezer!

And, while our own spinach patch is not full of vibrant plants, there are some and Tala and I were able to harvest 3 picking buckets full this week, enough to fill the kitchen sink! We'll enjoy that fresh in salads in the coming week and fresh spinach dip is on the Sunday evening menu for tonight!

Draw the curtain across heaven,

cut the sky, a cold coyote moon

kills the season off too soon.

We are just a week out from graduation and the end of the semester. So it's the time of year when my family knows that I'm holding on by a thread. And it's another "odd year" in that many of the year end rituals will once again be done on zoom. EMU did hold walking ceremonies yesterday for both the class of 2020 and 2021 and a handful of our CJP graduates took part in those. We were able to host a very small outdoor gathering for some of the graduates that were eager to celebrate together in person. Our kids were happy to join in for Smiley's ice cream, and Terah was also eager to have 7 or so new people to talk to! I think for me there was a huge mixture of emotions - I feel glad in some ways to not be hosting a party for 75-100 and on the other hand there's nostalgia for times past and wishing that the place, inside and out, was buzzing with graduates, family and friends.

Are they sparks or are they embers,

fireflies or falling stars?

Are they fireworks that backfired?

Will they leave a scar?

This week is one in which we have been vigiling with Tala and her family as they journey with her grandmother who was hospitalized with Covid earlier this week. Words are so often inadequate to describe the complexity of the human experience of living and loving and letting go. While I have never had the privilege of meeting Tala's grandma in person, my life has been touched by hers in profound ways. My life is richer for having heard the stories of her courage, perseverance, love, compassion, dedication and commitment to her family, and her faith.

Are they evening murmurations

that make me wish that I could fly,

or are they just trespassing satellites intersecting my night sky

just like all...

This morning we made corned beef and eggs in honor of Tala's grandma. We used the last of the white potatoes from last year's harvest and the first parsley from this year's planting.

All these broken angels,

all these tattered wings,

all these things come alive in me.

Following brunch 1/3 of us were ready to donate our hair again! Here's some before and after shots!

Their hair will be donated to Wigs 4 Kids in honor of Tala's grandma, who among many other things survived cancer against all odds 25+ years ago... Her life is an inspiration to all of us, and we hope above all else that she will know deep peace!