Tala, the "dash" in Myers-Benner!

While I have not exactly had a surplus of available moments where I could have written this post sooner, I also recognize some common patterns of procrastination in myself today as I gear us to finish catching up on our scrapbook. I think it is just that my thoughts and feelings don't want to be confined to some words or select pictures on a page. I also have this desire to not cheapen what is such a sacred shared experience, so I want to choose with care things that honor this intense time of transition in our home and what came before it.

As I sit down to write, the remnants of Ida are soaking the earth outside, just as our tears soaked many a cloth in the weeks leading up to our goodbyes last Tuesday. And we have turned the calendar to a new month today, which means it is the day to take our monthly family photo. But there is an ache that rises in me as it will be the first family photo without our "dash" present. When Tala joined us at Tangly Woods last July, we were looking forward to enjoying a short month's visit from her before she took off for her next adventures. We are so glad that plans changed such that our month together turned into almost 14. It also means that the saying goodbye was at least 14x as hard as it would have been after one month. In a very deep way, Tala became family!

As Tala reflected on Facebook recently, our year plus together was a big mix of both quality time and "garbage time." We shared lots of quality time focused on our relationships, but also just shared the joys and pains and laughter and tears and hard work and sleepovers and games and weeding and all the other aspects of daily living (oh, I must mention dishes - Tala washed SO MANY DISHES in her time with us - I know because of how many dishes I have done in the last week since her departure!!). Early in our time together I had a sense that the personal healing journeys that both Tala and I were engaged in were linked in a beautiful and profound (and as time went on I would add messy) ways. And I also began to see more clearly how our individual healing journeys were intricately woven into collective healing that is so badly needed in our world as well. And how the individual harms we have experienced in our lives are nested within collective and systemic harms. In other words, my world because even more complex, more beautiful, more connected... And I'm being invited again to embrace mystery and messiness, brokenness and wholeness, and so much more.

As the time of Tala's return home to the Philippines approached, we packed a lot of quality time into our final days together. As many Rook, Upwords, Farming Game, and Dutch Blitz rounds as possible were squeezed in, up to Kali and Tala playing Rook in the car on the way to Dulles. Tala and I savored a last hike up to Hensley's Pond together, sharing the gifts we received from each other, the lessons learned, as well as reflecting on the times of joy and of pain. We shared meals (and lots of ice cream!). We celebrated what we love and appreciate about each other. We enjoyed an evening partially around the fire (before being stormed in), as well as rituals of naming messages and things we have carried for too long that were never ours to hold or carry. We did a lot of hugging and some of us did a lot of crying. Here's a few photos of those last days together.

As a parting gift for Terah, Tala had decided to leave her treasured bunny Jusr for Terah to have. Terah doesn't understand now all that this bunny has been through with Tala, but she certainly is being well loved and cherished. She has already provided comfort to Terah too, when she needed to have a good cry the night we took Tala to the airport. And she has joined a meal, when on one occasion Kali mistakenly set the table for 6. Jusr has been introduced to many of the other stuffed bunnies in the house, so has acquired a lot of stuffed friends. And Jusr joins in on various other family activities and often comes to the screen to say hi to Tala when we video chat. Terah is quickly learning what Jusr does and doesn't like. We hope she finds Tangly Woods to her liking for the long haul!

Last Tuesday, we stretched the time together as long as we could but eventually had to take off for DC. 

We were grateful for safe travels to the airport AND the unexpected gift of being able to go in with Tala until she checked in successfully. This enabled me and Kali to help her repack and lower the weight in her bags so she didn't have to pay extra for her luggage. So we have a little stash of things here that hopefully Kali can take when her long anticipated visit becomes a reality! We could not help but chuckle when Tala pulled out some ketchup packets from one of her suitcases. We aren't sure how those made the cut, but removing them also didn't help much on weight. It was all the beloved books (that were truly also friends) that were weighing things down!

It was really hard to drive away. I realized that I hadn't felt that kind of ache or experienced the unstoppable flow of tears since Nora died. While not a death, we also knew we were saying goodbye to a very precious way of being together that would not likely happen in the same way again. It also struck me then and many times since that moment: even goodbyes are not fair or equitable. While all of our hearts ached with this separation, I still had 6 other people to hug at home. And my daily routine was not about to be upended. Tala had to say goodbye to all 7 of us at one time, along with many other dear friends. And she had to cross time zones and navigate airports and paperwork, only to end up in a small hotel room under Covid quarantine regulations for 10 days. Sigh! But we've never been so grateful for technology! How wonderful it was to have that first video chat and to see her safely in her home country! And following along with her photos and reflections on Facebook, I'm also grateful that her memories did not weigh anything and that she could take all of those with her, along with our love. And I also see how many people have been eagerly anticipating her return. We are just so very thankful for the gift of Tala becoming part of our family. No matter who else comes in and out of our lives, she will never be replaced (she'll always be "our dash!"). 

In honor of one of the ways Tala rubbed off on me, I've got coffee brewing for an afternoon iced coffee. Maybe I'll have my mug of that join me for our September family photo. That will help her feel closer!!