Welcome to the world, Ezzah!

As I entered my birth doula certification process this summer, I had my own four births and two births as an informal doula under my belt. It just so happened that those two informal doula experiences both took place on my birthday. So when I lined up my first "doula client" for my birth doula certification process and the due date was September 30, I could not help but wonder if I'd be three for three. But what are the chances? As it turned out, I got to be a doula on my birthday and on Jason's birthday. And little Ezzah decided to arrive at 9:28 a.m. on 9/29. So she straddled my birthday and Jason's and was the best birthday present for us both. But here I am getting ahead of myself. 

I wanted to share some snippets of the birth experience from my perspective (and am just noting two things: 1. that this is only being posted with the permission of Shama and Akram, who I feel so honored to have been able to accompany through the process of birthing their second daughter and 2. I'm still not very good at writing short birth stories). 

I imagine I will probably end up quoting Jason after nearly every birth I accompany. I just can't imagine saying it better than he did reflecting on his experience of being with me through Nora's birth: For me, the labor and delivery were an awe-inspiring experience. To be so closely involved in such a monumental process with someone who did it so well was truly beautiful, and a memory I will always cherish. 

As the midwife congratulated Shama on the birth, she noted that Shama was her new shero! And with good reason! I think being brave is not about never being afraid but having courage to name and face one's fears, and asking for help when it's too hard to do alone. And I think being strong isn't about never feeling weak or saying, "I can't do this" but instead finding the courage to take the next step (or, in this case, ride the wave of the next contraction) even if you don't know how you will find the strength to go on. So as I right this, Shama is among the list of the bravest and strongest people I have had the privilege of knowing!

Other than our weekly or so visits leading up to the birth, I mostly got to come in on the exciting grand finale. This is after months of them preparing to welcome a new family member. And, in Shama's case, she experienced weeks of pre-labor contractions and discomfort, which really ramped up in recent days. On the Monday morning (9/27) I was doing chicken chores when I, in a rush, set the two 5-gallon feed and water buckets down quickly and felt three nearly simultaneous pings in my back. I wasn't immobilized but my mobility was greatly reduced by these back tweaks. I had two thoughts: this is bad timing for our sweet potato digging day and I'm hardly in any  shape to accompany a birthing person today! As eager as I knew Shama was to be on the other side of birth with a baby in her arms, I secretly hope she might give me at least a day to recover so I could be physically fit to accompany her (rather than stealing her heating pads for my back!). 

It wasn't too far into the day when I got the call that contractions were coming more regularly. Ready or not, babies come when babies come! So I showered and managed to get dressed with some trouble as bending was mostly not happening. My bags were packed and by the door when things seemed to have eased up for the time being. So I stayed put and managed to be of some use in the sweet potato patch and was supremely grateful for what a night of sleep did to the healing process. My birthday morning dawned a beautiful day for a slow hike with Jason before the call came that things were picking up again and settling into a pretty regular rhythm (this came also with the knowledge that she was already 4+ cm dilated at that morning's midwife appointment). 

So my packed bags went into the car and off I went, reminding myself that I was to be the calm one and doing some 4-7-8 breathing on the way to town. I wasn't nervous but was clearly a jittery kind of excited that I thought might be useful in some ways and not in others. Births get me kinda jazzed up, which can be helpful for some people and for some stages. I will probably get better over time at knowing when to show the full extent of my enthusiasm!!

Shama was doing great handling the contractions coming about every 5-6 minutes and lasting for an average of 45 seconds. Their handy dandy app kept telling Akram it was time to get ready and head to the hospital but I wasn't ready to go with the app over what Shama wished to do. She was eager to finish some cooking so their was food prepared for the days she would be gone (yes, thinking of others' needs while laboring!). And she was also doing well managing the waves in the comfort of her own home with full freedom to move around and busy herself with other things between contractions when inspiration struck.

But after a few hours of regular contractions of increased intensity, it seemed wise to make the transition to the place intended for the birth. So our little caravan of two cars made it's way to RMH once their very excited soon-to-be-big-sister was in the caring and competent hands of a friend. And there we transitioned from the comforts of home to the sterile hospital environment amidst a pandemic where protocols must be followed because they are, well, hospital protocols. This is not easy for most of us, and I would say most certainly not a birthing person trying to get in the groove of labor. 

We found ourselves in the little triage area where they now put people in small rooms to monitor the baby for awhile and then check to see how far the cervix is dilated before determining if admission is possible at this stage or not. When Shama, now thoroughly exhausted from 48 or so hours of pretty consistent contractions, didn't meet their current stricter protocols for admission (on top of them also noting they were full without an open rooms at present), she was given the option for "restorative rest." That was a combination of medications to ease pain and promote sleep, which she so needed to regain strength.

Well, that didn't net her much sleep, though it did ease the intensity of contractions. It didn't seem like the medications touched the baby as she was doing dance routines when we thought maybe she would also have felt inclined for a nap. So with little more than a few cat naps, it all started wearing off and we were about back where we were before walking the halls and attempting to find comfort measures that worked well in a tiny room in a hospital. I was really wishing she could sink her weary body into the warmth of a jacuzzi bath and see what that might do for the process. But that was not to be. 

So about 8 or so hours after we arrived at RMH, they found themselves in the hard position of choosing between several not very optimal options - stay in the tiny room where contractions had slowed down considerably in frequency and intensity and hope that they pick back up or that she could rest there, do more medication to promote more sleep when she hadn't really enjoyed some of the effects of the previous round, or head home and try to get more rest until things picked back up again. In the end, I think Shama picked going home partly so I would go home and get some sleep and for Akram to maybe catch some winks. I think she knew full well that good sleep was not in the cards for her until this baby was on the outside. And right she was!

I don't think there is any point in trying to hide the fact that I think all of us felt a level of disappointment as we left the hospital, maybe even bordering on failure? I think we were all wanting to stay positive and upbeat. As I drove home I knew that I could not magically make each birth I accompanied go perfectly or quickly or as desired/planned. But my how I wanted a magic wand to wave to give these dear ones either good sleep or a baby in their arms, or ideally both! Instead here I was in a position of accompaniment and bearing witness to their process and joining in the messiness and unpredictability that is birth.  

So I landed home just in time to wish Jason a happy birthday as we crossed from my birthday to his. I was up six or so hours later and wondering what the day might hold. I was just considering whether to dive into making Jason a birthday breakfast when the phone rang, helping to shift me from a place of indecision to immediate and speedy action! There wasn't as much to do to prepare for my departure as my bags were still packed, just needing a quick water bottle refresh. 

On the phone, Shama initially suggested I come to their home as I had the day prior to assess the situation and then decide where to go from there. But based on the report that she had been having 1+ minute contractions every 3-4 minutes for several hours now and had started throwing up some, I was not inclined to delay our return to RMH much longer. Somehow I kept thinking that once things started rolling they were really going to roll. In retrospect, I am glad for my intuition on that one!

So we decided to meet there where we could walk outside in the beautiful crisp fall air until we all deemed it time to go inside. Well, by the time we met up there shortly after 8 a.m., Shama was not in the state to go for a walk other than to make a beeline for labor and delivery. I also noticed something else immediately. I would say that Shama had entered the very normal "I'm done" and "I can't do any more of this" and "Do anything to get this baby out" stage of things. Most of us who have given birth have passed through one or all of these places. And from my very limited reading to date, I also was clear that what might have worked well in early labor may not work as well at this stage. Well, that was very true! Touch and words of affirmation no longer seemed to be helpful - ok, so they were downright aggravating a good portion of the time! 

We got back up to the family birth place and found ourselves in a new triage room where every step of the process towards admission feels painfully long as contractions come often and are reaching an unbearable stage. I understood only a percentage of what was said between Akram and Shama throughout this birth experience (just the English words), but I know from what we have shared together since the birth that a little consult happened without me where Shama was ready for any/all interventions to get this baby out NOW! 

But Shama's cervix was now 6 cm and they were ready to start the admission process. And at the end of that process was the promise of trying out the tub to see if water would ease the intensity of things and provide some comfort, giving her strength for the natural unmedicated birth she had wanted. With that hanging out there in the not so distant future she road the waves of contractions that came until they seemed to be toppling over each other. 

We were transitioned to her birthing room and I could sense that the scurrying had intensified on the part of the staff, clearly hoping to have her admitted before this little one came out. It was not too long after we were in that room that I noticed a clear shift in Shama during contractions. Was she pushing? Yes, she was definitely pushing! No one else seemed to have noticed... But she knew what she was doing and a quick cervix check showed what she already knew, which was that she was fully dilated and ready to push. That was at 9:26 a.m...Ezzah was born at 9:28 a.m. 

Throughout today as there were little snippets of calm, I started working on my birth doula certification paperwork for this birth and there a section where I'm to outline what happened in each state of labor. Nothing like these forms to highlight a 72 HOUR stage 1 of labor and a 2 MINUTE stage 2 of labor! But no one better say anything to insinuate in any way that Shama was "lucky" to only push for a few short minutes. I think it is better to say that maybe there is some mercy in the universe that after 72 hours of intense labor she was not asked on top of that to dredge up strength she had used up long ago for a lengthy stage 2 (pushing and birth of the baby).

Will I ever not cry alongside those first cries of a newborn. The emotions just well up and bubble out. And I can't take it all in. Here was the same little one that had been doing calisthenics under my hands hours earlier. And here we had entered this building as three this morning and now there were four of us making our voices heard. And look at that adorable head of dark hair. And look at these dark eyes blinking as her mama and bobbing her little but clearly strong head around. And listen to a new mother who has just done what she considered impossible minutes ago. I felt so proud of Shama and of Akram, who was an incredibly steady source of support all throughout. 

By late morning, we had transitioned to the postpartum room that would be theirs until they were discharged to go home. The hours go by pretty fast with vitals taken on either baby or mama so very often, many pictures to take of all the new little expressions this baby human makes, first/second/third nursings, a visit from her proud and adoring big sister, feeding and extending drinks to a worn out but victorious birthing mother and processing aspects of the birth experience together in snippets between all of that alongside a few way too short cat naps. 

I pulled myself away around 5 p.m. when things had calmed down and Ezzah was swaddled and sacked out, which hopefully meant that Shama was about to get some well deserved and long overdue sleep! As I joined my family back at home I realized that the more I do this the more I will have to develop some strategies for re-entry. How does one go from witnessing a birth to the mundane of every day life? Here I was sitting down to dinner (albeit a yummy belated birthday dinner) and there was a whole new little human right across town. 

As this day comes to an end I'm so grateful for so many things. That Shama and Akram invited me to accompany them and trusted me enough to be vulnerable and open about their own experiences, hopes, fears, questions, and dreams. That we come to end of this birth experience with a healthy mother and a healthy baby. That many of their hopes and wishes for this birth experience came to be. That I had the opportunity again to see how important it is that we accompany each other through challenging "I can't do this" kinds of times (and how it important it is that the ways we accompany others be driven by those we are accompanying, and not by those doing the accompaniment). And I'm pretty glad to have it reaffirmed for me that I am a tried and true birth junkie! When I sent the initial picture of me holding the baby to Jason, he replied, "Very sweet, but I'm still not undoing my surgery." I chuckled and read it to to Shama, but also felt another level of gratitude that maybe I've landed on something that fits my passion and (hopefully growing/expanding) skills, that can be a gift for others, and that gives me opportunities on somewhat regular intervals to get in a little "baby fix" for my mental and emotional health. For now, I'm grateful for the perfect way to celebrate a new year of life!