We've had a camera for a few weeks but no card reader or battery charger. When we were reunited to those two things this weekend, I downloaded over 200 pictures of the adventures of the last two weeks. Right now I find myself sitting on the futon, alone in the house, with Garth Brooks playing in the background. Jason is inoculating logs with mushroom spawn with a neighbor from down the road who is eager to take a percentage of the logs home with him in exchange for the spawn plugs, a lesson in how to do it, and getting us started. Now I just need to get beyond enjoying cooking with mushrooms to actually enjoying consuming them.
I'm alone here in the house since Kali is four mountains from us in WV with Grandma and Grandpa Myers. I'm quite certain that I'm missing her a lot more than she is missing me. The house doesn't feel the same without her and I have to get through a little period of feeling disoriented and out of sorts. This morning Jason and I headed out for an early morning walk and I kept thinking about what would happen if she would wake up (not that we would have been going for a walk if she had been sleeping) and then as we ate breakfast, I found myself waiting to hear "Mommmmmmmy." I realize in these times how I appreciate the early morning walks alone with Jason, being "allowed" to play music whenever I want, and being able to decide when and in what order I want to go through my day's activities (including going to bed!). Yet, overwhelmingly, these times are mostly a complete confirmation of how absolutely in love I am with Kali and with being her mom and with the home that Jason, Kali and I are creating here the three of us, along with our memories of Nora.
One of the things Jason and I hope to do for a portion of our time this week is to do some more writing for a project we are doing with Nora's doctor, who is also the director of Palliative Care at UVA. In the past month since the anniversary of Nora's death, I've been thankful to have many moments of feeling deep gratitude towards Nora and her place in our family, in addition to remembering sweet memories of her and of those that walked with us during that time.
Jason recently shared a Garth Brooks song with me that sums up some of my most dominate thoughts of late. Here are a few of the words. I'll end this post with his words, and get to posting some pictures of what we've been up to...
"And I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end, the way it all would go. Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance...Holding you, I held everything. For a moment, wasn't I a king. If I'd only known how the key would fall, who's to say you know I might have changed it all..."
No comments:
Post a Comment